Friday, December 24, 2010

It's Christmas Eve!!!

Me and LuLu have been helping My MamaFigure all day! It is Christmas Eve and she has been making food. My MamaFigure is real messy in the kitchen and she drops a lot of food on the floor. We lick it up. That Man calls us Hoover and Eureka. We like to help!

My MamaFigure says Santa Claus will be coming tonight! YAAAAYYY!! I have been good. I have not pooped or peed on the floor, but I am a little worried because I jump on visitors when they come to our house. LuLu is very worried because she pooped in the house once and she wanted to bite a man who came to our house. He wanted to sell That Man a security system. LuLu said we don't need a security system as long as she lives here.

I am going to sleep early tonight, but LuLu says she wants to see Santa's reindeer. LuLu wants to fly real bad. She says if she can jump in the sleigh, she is going with Santa and next year she will be the first pug to pull Santa's sleigh. She knows all about Santa's reindeer. She says next year the lineup will be Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and LuLu. She says one day she will have a cartoon and song about her. Here is a picture of her sitting on the back of her favorite chair, looking out the window at the Christmas lights.

We went out on the Big Porch for a little while today. My MamaFigure wanted to take our picture beside her big Snoopy decoration, but we wouldn't cooperate. It's big and it sounds like it's breathing and it scares me.

Here is a good picture of me.  I hope Santa brings me a new squeaker toy. None of my squeaker toys squeak any more. I bite them, but the squeakers won't squeak, they just make a popping sound.

Thank you for reading my blog.
Mister Bean

Saturday, December 11, 2010

LuLu is Wrecking Christmas

It's Christmastime again!!! YAAAAAYYYY!! Me and LuLu like Christmas! It is a fun and exciting time of year! We get to sample the Christmas cookies My MamaFigure makes! We like Rice Krispie treats the best. They are That Man's favorite too!

This year we are looking forward to watching My MamaFigure turn into a chicken with it's head cut off. That Man says it should happen any day!

My stocking is hanging up in the library. I know I'll get a new toy and a special treat. My MamaFigure says LuLu is going to get a lump of coal in her stocking, because she is slowly and methodically wrecking Christmas. LuLu says she is not slow and methodical at all, instead she is acting very quickly upon uncontrollable whims.

Here is a picture of me underneath the tree in the library. You can see the look of concern on my face; this is where it all began......

My MamaFigure bought a tree skirt after Christmas last year. She said it was a bargain! She says it goes perfectly with the library tree and it was 80% off the normal retail price! She was very excited to use it for the first time this year! Me and LuLu were in the library with her while she smoothed the skirt underneath the tree and began hanging the ornaments.

Then, LuLu ran out of the room!!! She ran so fast that when she ran off the rug onto the wooden floor she couldn't get any traction! I thought it looked like fun, so I tried it too!! We were both running and running and not getting anywhere! Finally, LuLu broke free and ran into the living room where That Man was watching TV. He yelled to My MamaFigure "she's got something in her mouth!" Well, they chased LuLu around the living room, but they couldn't catch her. Finally My MamaFigure went back to the library and this is what she found:

LuLu had pulled the eye off the elf!!! She was also trying to pull the eye off the mouse!

That Man told My MamaFigure not to worry, the eye would make re-entry in a day or so. My MamaFigure says she will buy another eye.

My MamaFigure likes Peanuts!!! She always puts up her Peanuts display where The Grandboy and The Grandgirl can play with it. Me and LuLu like Peanuts too! One day, while My MamaFigure was in her sewing room and That Man was watching TV, LuLu decided she wanted to "become a part of the tableaux". LuLu speaks French, and I don't understand French, but I think she meant she wanted to walk around in the middle of My MamaFigure's Peanuts display. Here is a picture of what That Man calls "LuLu's Carnage".

My MamaFigure says Linus was the only one to escape LuLu's Carnage, which is befitting since he is the one who realized what Christmas is all about.

That Man and My MamaFigure get Christmas cards from their family and friends. Their good friends, Roger and Katrina, sent me and LuLu a card this year!!! Our names were actually on the envelope!! We never get mail and we were excited!! My MamaFigure hung it up with all the other cards. It made us proud! Well, this morning while My MamaFigure was making up the bed and That Man was outside riding his lawnmower, our card fell on the floor. When I saw what LuLu was doing, I ran into the bedroom with my MamaFigure. I didn't want her to think I was a party to LuLu's "slow and methodical" plan to wreck Christmas. Here is a picture of the card.

My MamaFigure says she might be able to tape it back together as soon as the wet pieces she found lying on the dining room floor are dry. There are missing pieces too, but That Man says they are traveling through LuLu's digestive tract. He is real mad at LuLu. He called her a bad name.

Here is a picture of LuLu under the library tree. She says the red walls in the library and the excitement of Christmas made her act out and before she knew it, she had bit the eye off the elf. And she said she really didn't mean to knock the Peanuts display over, she just wanted to be a part of it and see what was in Snoopy's doghouse. She doesn't have any explanation for chewing our Christmas card. She said, "it was just lying there and I like paper."

Thank you for reading my blog.
Mister Bean

Sunday, October 31, 2010

It's Deja Vue All Over Again!!!!

Yesterday started out like any other day, me and LuLu woke up, and then we woke up My MamaFigure and That Man. We went outside to pee and poop, ate breakfast and settled down for a nap. Later that morning, we had to stay in The Hole for a little while. My MamaFigure said that she and That Man had to go make 'Halloween preparations'. We looked out the big window at the leaves falling and we took another nap.

We were suddenly awakened by My MamaFigure!! She let us out of The Hole and said she had surprises for us!!! I was hoping for a Space Pug movie and LuLu was hoping for a Doors CD. But, instead My MamaFigure pulled clothes out of a bag!!! LuLu ran and hid under the bed. When LuLu was finally tricked into coming out, My MamaFigure put the clothes on us, all the while telling That Man how cute we would look.

We went outside to the Big Porch, in our new clothes, and all these things started coming to our house!! An elephant and a rock star and his bodyguards came to our house, while me and LuLu wondered what was going on!! Here is a picture of me and LuLu in our new clothes:

Then, LuLu said she just had a deja vu moment. I said, "Well, don't worry about it, My MamaFigure will clean it up before That Man sees it." LuLu said, "No, deja vu is a French word and it means a feeling you have done something , or been somewhere before." LuLu knows all about stuff like that, she also knows about conspiracy theories and secret codes.

Then, I had a deja vu moment too!!!! I was excited!!! Deja vu is my new favorite word and I'm going to say it all the time!!! I deja-vued about the other time Leaves Fell on the Big Porch, and me and LuLu wore clothes while My MamaFigure gave candy to strange things that came to our house.

Suddenly, LuLu said, "Bean!!! You look like a Space Pug!" We have never actually seen a Space Pug, but LuLu is always right about that kind of thing, so I believe her. And then I looked at her and I said, "LuLu! You are a pink flying pig!!!" This made LuLu very happy!! My MamaFigure says "when pigs fly" all the time and you know LuLu!! She has always wanted to fly!!!
Here is a picture of me in my Space Pug uniform. Space Pugs are blue and shiny! Awesome!! I told LuLu that Space Pugs are shiny so they can see each other while they are in space!! And Space Pugs have four eyeballs on sticks!! They can see in front, behind and to each side while they operate their Pugships!! I tried to look out of the eyeballs into space, hoping to see shiny Space Pugs, but I couldn't get them to work. LuLu checked to see if there was a place for batteries, but she couldn't find a battery hole anywhere. She said to shake my head and maybe it would activate the eyeballs, so I kept shaking my head while My MamaFigure gave candy to a pumpkin with legs and a hobo man.

Here is a picture of LuLu with her Flying Pigs Clothes. LuLu said her wings were gossamer, almost ethereal. She said she was ecstatic!! I told her they were real pretty and glittery. She stood on the edge of That Man's porch chair while he helped my MamaFigure give candy to two cheerleaders. She jumped off the chair and landed on the porch floor. But, LuLu doesn't give up easily!! She hopped back up on That Man's chair and said to me "I think I have to say 'WHEN PIGS FLY!!' as I jump." She tried,but landed on the porch floor again.

I kept shaking my head, hoping to activate my eyeballs, and LuLu kept jumping off the chair saying 'WHEN PIGS FLY!!!', but I never saw one single shiny Space Pug with my four eyeballs on sticks and LuLu never flew with her gossamer, almost ethereal wings.
Then both of us had a deja vu moment again. We deja-vued more about the other time Leaves Fell on the Big Porch and My MamaFigure and That Man gave candy to strange things that came to our house. Here is a picture of us.

Both of us deja-vued that our clothes didn't work that time either. We deja-vued how disappointed we were that LuLu's pink wings didn't fly and my antenna didn't pick up a space pug signal. We wondered why My MamaFigure didn't deja vu all this, and why she had been flim-flammed again into buying defective clothes.
Finally all the strange things stopped coming to our house to get candy from My MamaFigure and That Man. We went inside, our usually curly tails straight with disappoinment. But, then I got happy again, because I deja-vued how good I looked the last time Leaves Fell on the Big Porch, and I look good this time too. Even though my clothes are always defective, I always think I look pretty good. Here is a picture of me. 
I think I look like a Commander for the Space Pug Guard. But, LuLu looked like a mess, with her gossamer, almost ethereal wings all askew and dirty from jumping off That Man's chair. I deja-vued how she looked like a mess the last time too. But, I didn't say anything to her, because all the frustrated flyer in LuLu bit the pink pigs's curly tail when My MamaFigure took it off her. We went to sleep that night, hoping that the next time Leaves Fall on the Big Porch My MamaFigure will deja vu and get clothes that will allow me to contact Space Pugs and make LuLu fly.

Thank you for reading my blog.
Mister Bean

Monday, August 30, 2010

Another Charlotte's Web

This summer has been hot, fun and exciting!! Me and LuLu have spent a lot of time indoors, licking our feet and playing with the Blob Boys, Dirty Bear and New Squirrel. And we found Skunky under a chair!! My MamaFigure almost sucked him up in the vacuum cleaner! I am afraid of the vacuum cleaner. I bark and run when my MamaFigure uses it and she says she has to use it all the time because me and LuLu shed 24/7/365. That Man says the vacuum cleaner contains an entire pug. That is why I am afraid of it. Me and LuLu listen to the vacuum cleaner, trying to hear the trapped pug inside.

My MamaFigure, That Man, the Grandboy and the Grandgirl have been studying a spider all summer. My MamaFigure says it is a writing spider. Our writing spider made a web in the hydrandgea bush and she decorates it with X's and Z's. Here is a picture of her.

We named her Another Charlotte. One of my MamaFigure's favorite books is Charlotte's Web and she says the spider in the story is the same kind of spider as Another Charlotte. She says the story about Charlotte and Wilbur makes her cry. That Man says she will cry some more if Another Charlotte decides to move in the house.
That Man, The Grandboy and The Grandgirl like Charlotte's Web too and they said Charlotte saved Wilbur's life by writing messages in her web. So me and LuLu started respecting Another Charlotte's space!! I don't lift my leg on the hydrangea bush anymore, and LuLu stopped circling, circling, circling and squatting underneath it.
We are hoping Another Charlotte will write "Give Mister Bean Anything He Wants To Eat Even After He Eats Too Much And Throws Everything Up". LuLu wants her to write "We Promise And Cross Our Hearts To Never Make LuLu Take Another Bath Or Wear Clothes Anymore Forever Amen".
Here is a good picture of me standing by the hydrangea bush, totally being respectful of Another Charlotte. I think I look real good in this picture, like a brave guard dog. My MamaFigure says I look real handsome. That Man says I look like a piece of concrete statuary. 

Here is a picture of LuLu. She doesn't look directly into the camera for fear that the Feds will recognize her.

So far Another Charlotte hasn't acknowledged us. That Man says Another Charlotte has used up a lot of her energy making this thing.

It is Another Charlotte's egg sack and That Man says it is full of spider eggs. Since Another Charlotte doesn't have a lot of energy left LuLu suggested we combine our messages into one short message.

More Food No Baths 4 Pugs.
Thank you for reading my blog.
Mister Bean

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

It's Been a Long Winter, We Help My MaMaFigure and LuLu's Hiney

Hi everybody!!! Mister Bean here with an exciting new blog! It has been a long winter and we have mostly been holed up in our house because our MaMaFigure says it is too cold for us to be outside, except when we pee and poop. We haven't even played on the Big Porch.

My MaMaFigure doesn't like winter. She says the lack of sunshine makes her sad, so me and LuLu try to cheer her up by running and barking and playing and barking and chewing on stuff and barking. Once LuLu even pooped on the floor and it looked like a replica of Stonehenge. She said she was trying to make her poops look like historical places for My MaMaFigure because my MaMaFigure says she needs to get away. LuLu got in a lot of trouble, even though My MaMaFigure was impressed with LuLu's Stonehenge. She says the circumference was perfect. LuLu was planning more historical poops, like Monticello, the Great Pyramid, the Eiffel Tower, and the Hoover Dam. She said the Hoover Dam would have been her tour de force historical poop as it is considered one of mankind's greatest engineering feats . But she didn't want to spend her time hiding under the bed, awaiting punishment.

We have also been helping my MaMaFigure in her sewing room. She has been making quilts all winter. We stay in the sewing room with her while she sews. We nap for a little while, then we wake up and bark, we see little scraps of fabric in the floor and we grab them and chew on them until My MaMaFigure sees us and chases us through the house to take them away from us. We figure we are helping her get her exercise. Then when she sits back down at her sewing machine we claw at her until she picks us up and holds us for a little while. We say we are doing it to give My MaMaFigure a break, but we really just like the attention. Here is a picture of one of the quilts we helped My MamaFigure with. We really like the red fabric; it was very chewable.

It snowed a lot this winter! YAAAAY! My MaMaFigure let us go out to play in it for a little while. Me and LuLu pushed our little flat faces in the snow and flung it over our heads!!! Here is a picture of our bathroom in the snow. Those people are our cousins. We barked at them.

Two weeks ago LuLu started sitting on her bottom and spinning around and around. This was right after she made her notorious Stonehenge Historical Poop. I thought it looked like so much fun!!! I tried to do it, but I have long legs and I got tangled up and fell over. LuLu kept spinning around and scooting on her bottom. Then she started gnawing at her tail and scratching at her bottom so much that it kept That Man and My MaMaFigure awake at night. So, That Man called the doctor and LuLu has to go see the veterinarian tomorrow. We are not sure what is going on, but we heard My MaMaFigure and That Man talking and LuLu is going to have a part of her hiney "expressed". That Man found instructions on how to "express" the stopped up hiney-part that is bothering LuLu, but he and My MaMaFigure read it and and decided this was a job best left to a professional hiney expressor. My MaMaFigure says it is a very personal invasive procedure.
Here is a picture of LuLu. She looks a little worried because she doesn't want her hiney to be expressed. I feel sorry for the person who has to express LuLu's stopped up hiney part.

I will let you know how LuLu's invasive procedure goes. In the meantime, say a little prayer for the person who will be responsible for unstopping LuLu's stopped up hiney part.
Thank you for reading my blog.
Mister Bean

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Happy New Year! (Whatever that is.)

Me and LuLu were just figuring out Christmas when all of a was over! My MaMaFigure says that's the way Christmas is, you spend weeks getting ready for it and then poof! it's over!

Me and LuLu got new toys in our stockings. LuLu got a butterfly. When she pulled it out of her stocking she got real excited and she took it under the dining room table. She says to me "Finally! A flying speciman!" She says she is going to study the butterfly's aerodynamics and figure out how it flies. I could hear her under the table while everyone else was opening presents. She was saying stuff like E equals M C square and the theory of relativity and stuff about thrust and propulsion. LuLu wants to fly really bad. Then I heard her say something about pie and I thought I might like flying too if there is a chance I would get some pie. She told me the pie was square root pie and I wasn't interested anymore because I like chicken pie.

 I got a turtle!! The squeaker is under his shell! Here is a picture of me squeaking the squeaker in my new turtle. LuLu says I might be able to use the squeaker to communicate with space pugs!

A few days after Christmas My MaMafigure and That Man stayed up a long time. Me and LuLu were sleepy and wanted to go to bed, but My MaMaFigure said she was going to watch the ball drop. Me and LuLu didn't know what she was talking about and we didn't really care, we were sleepy and laid down on the sofa by My MaMaFigure.

Then, all of a sudden, That Man yelled Happy New Year! Then My MaMaFigure yelled Happy New Year!! Me and LuLu woke up real fast and we jumped off the sofa and started running and barking!! That Man and My MaMaFigure were clapping their hands and yelling Happy New Year and laughing! We ran and barked and when we would stop they would clap and yell again and we would run and bark again. We didn't even know why we were running or what we were barking about!

Then That Man yelled Lock and Load! and we barked and ran again! Then My MaMaFigure yelled Eat More Chicken! and we barked and ran again! Then That Man yelled See Rock City! and we barked and ran some more! They were laughing and laughing and we were running and barking.

Finally, they stopped and we stopped and we went to bed. My MaMaFigure says it is not just a New Year, but a New Decade, but it's all the same to me and LuLu. All we want to do is play, eat, pee, poop, take naps and dream about flying and talking to space pugs.

Thank you for reading my blog,
Mister Bean