Friday, November 2, 2012

Happy Halloween! Grease is the Word!

Me and LuLu knew it would happen! When the leaves start changing colors and the scary scarecrows sit on the fireplace and the Big Porch, My MaMaFigure makes us wear strange clothes.

We have been a space pug, a fairy, a pink pig with wings, a bumblebee, a unicorn and a cow, but this year My MaMaFigure said we were going to be Danny Zuko and Sandy Olson. 

I am a T-Bird and LuLu is a Pink Lady.
That Man and My MaMaFigure say that Grease is one of those movies you have to watch when you are flipping channels, like Coal Miner's Daughter, Forrest Gump, A League of Their Own (LuLu's favorite) and A Christmas Story. My MaMaFigure says even though she likes the movie, Barry Gibb must have been stoned when he wrote the song. Grease is the Word! It's got groove! It's got meaning! Grease is a time, it's a place, it's a motion! Grease is the way we are feeling!

When My MaMaFigure pulled my new jacket out of the bag, I began to feel like a rebel. Like I was cool. It is black with a T-bird sign on the back and I look real good in it.
This is a picture of me with my T-Bird jacket. I think I look pretty good in this picture.
LuLu's jacket is pink and it has Pink Ladies written on the back. LuLu ran under the table when she saw My MaMaFigure take it out of the bag. LuLu doesn't like to wear clothes or take baths.

LuLu says she will wear the jacket, but she refuses to be Sandy Olsen. She says she is Betty Rizzo. She says Sandy tried to impress Danny Zuko by wearing high heels and black leather and frizzing up her hair and smoking cigarettes. She says Rizzo would have pulled double majors in political science and criminal justice. Then she would have worked with the FBI and CIA with special security clearances from the government, eventually running both agencies, and she wouldn't have cared if she impressed anybody.  She says at the end of the movie, Danny and Sandy fly away in a flying car! She said Rizzo would have piloted a Chinook helicopter.

LuLu tried to run and hide when she saw her jacket. She says pink and black is a pretentious color combination and she is not Sandy Olsen. She says she is Betty Rizzo.
I went right over to My MaMaFigure so she could put my new jacket on me. I got a new attitude, like I was a hood. Like I wanted to drive a hot rod car and listen to rockabilly music. I started calling That Man "Daddy-O" and My MaMaFigure "Old Lady" and using words I've never heard before!

We always hang on the Big Porch when we wear our strange threads. Cats and chicks were makin' the scene. It was crazy, man. Daddy-O and My Old Lady were cookin', handing out candy to the ankle-biters. We were diggin' the bash, jammin' with the vinyls the Old Lady was spinnin'. Can you dig it?

My MaMaFigure popped my collar and I think it makes me look tough. I look pretty good in this picture too.

A neighbor dog stopped by our crib asking questions about our jackets. I asked him if he was cruisin' for a bruisin'? He said not to get bummed out, he thought we looked bad, so we were tight after that. Daddy-O and My Old Lady eyeballed him and he booked it outta there.

Here's a picture of me and LuLu. The end of our jackets kept flipping up because of our curly tails. I still look good though, like a T-Bird!
It got dark and cold and Daddy-O and My Old Lady said it was time to go in, so I told LuLu it was time to make like a tree and leave. We went inside and piled up some z's on My Old Lady's chair.

See ya later alligators,
Mister Bean

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Happy Birthday to My MaMaFigure!!!!!!!!!!

My MaMaFigure is on vacation this week and me and LuLu have been doing this,

and sometimes we'll do this,

and then I'll do this,

and LuLu will do this.

It has been real nice having My MaMaFigure at home. We get to spend lots of time with her on the Big Porch. Today is My MaMaFigure's birthday and she says we will have Happy Birthday cake on the Big Porch. I hope I get to wear another party hat like I did for That Man's birthday. I think I looked pretty good in it.

I love My MaMaFigure very much. She is the love of my life and because I love her so much I wrote a special birthday poem for her. It is called,

A Special Birthday Poem For My MaMaFigure Because I Love Her So Much
by Mister Bean

Who's the one I go to when I want a treat?
Who's the one whose lap I lay on while I lick my feet?
Who's the one who sits with me on the Big Porch in the swing?
Who's the one who makes me feel like it's forever spring?
My MaMaFigure!

Who's the one who takes the time to play and run with me?
Who's the one who sings when she takes me out to pee?
Who's the one who pets me when I have a bellyache?
Who's the one I follow every second I'm awake?
My MaMaFigure!!

Who's the one who makes sure me and LuLu get our shots?
Who's the one who loves us lots and lots and lots and lots?
Who's the one whose birthday we celebrate today?
Who was born on this sweetest day in the month of May?
My MaMaFigure!!!

LuLu wrote a poem for My MaMaFigure too. She says it doesn't have a name, it is just a poem.

by LuLu
Happy Birthday MaMaFigure
I hope you don't get bit by chiggers.

LuLu would like to state that the brevity of her verse in no way reflects small feelings for My MaMaFigure. Au contraire, says LuLu.  (LuLu speaks French.) LuLu says a man named Shakespeare said that brevity is the soul of wit. She says in Shakespeare's day, 'wit' principally referred to intelligence, and the essence or soul of being intelligent is to convey your thoughts as briefly and efficiently as possible.  Thus, in conclusion, LuLu says she sincerely wishes My MaMaFigure a Happy Birthday and, since My MaMaFigure spends a lot of time outside, she conveys the sincere hope that My MaMaFigure doesn't get chiggerbit.  LuLu is real smart. And I like the name "Shakespeare". LuLu says he wrote lots of stories for people who lived a long time ago. I am going to call myself Bean Shakespeare. It sounds cool.  

 I think My MaMaFigure will be happy with her birthday poems. That Man got her a big bag of sunflower seed for her birdfeeder because she likes to feed the birds and her Friend from Across the Pond sent her a pretty birthday card and a card about their Queen! My MaMaFigure likes it!  

We are going to spend My MaMaFigure's Happy Birthday on the Big Porch waiting for Happy Birthday cake!

Thank you for reading my blog.
Mister Bean

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Happy, Happy Birthday to That Man!!!!

Today is That Man's birthday! Me and LuLu love That Man! He takes care of us all day while My MaMaFigure is at her job. When My MaMaFigure is home, we follow her from room to room and sometimes it is exhausting. When it's just me and LuLu and That Man, we get to take naps. Sometimes I go to the crate and nap. LuLu climbs on the top of My MaMaFigure's chair and naps. Sometimes That Man goes to the Big Porch and we follow him and nap. Napping on the Big Porch is nice. Then we come in and he makes a sandwich and watches Matlock. I take another nap, but LuLu likes to watch Matlock with That Man.

Here is a picture of me in my Happy Birthday That Man hat. I think I look pretty good in this picture.
He took care of us while My MaMaFigure was gone for One Day, One Night and Another Day with her Church Lady Friends. He fusses sometimes because we walk around in the Comfortable Bed at night. He says we should be sleeping in our crate. Me and LuLu thought we would have to sleep in the crate for One Night, but we didn't!!! That Man must love us a lot!

This is LuLu in her Happy Birthday That Man hat. LuLu doesn't like to take baths, wear clothes or Happy Birthday hats.
Because That Man is good to us and takes care of us, I wrote a special Happy Birthday poem for him. It is called Happy, Happy Birthday to That Man!

Happy, Happy Birthday to That Man
by Mister Bean

Happy, Happy Birthday to That Man!
He drives a big truck, not a minivan.
He cooks supper in a frying pan.
Happy, Happy Birthday to That Man!

That Man is the Boss, but gentle and kind.
He gives us treats of bacon rind.
We travel with the family; we're never left behind.
That Man is the Boss, but gentle and kind.

That Man protects us when he takes us to pee,
in case a big, mean dog in our yard there be.
He chases it away and we bark "Yippee!!!"
'Cause That Man protects us when he takes us to pee.

That Man stays home with us every day.
Me and LuLu think he is A-okay!
We hope My MaMaFigure gives him a big par-tay,
because he deserves the best on his Happy Birthday!!!

That Man says he wants a pineapple pudding for his birthday. I hope My MaMaFigure drops some of it on the floor for me and LuLu. This is a good day and our world is a better place because That Man is in it!

We love you That Man!!!!

Thank you for reading my blog.
Mister Bean

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

One Day, One Night and Another Day

Me and LuLu have been real busy on the Big Porch. We bark at everything. Outside is very fun and exciting! We bark at the monsters next door (see previous post) and the big yellow stray dog that wants to come and live with us. We bark at the neighbor's chickens. We bark at the birds at the birdfeeder. We bark at the wind blowing. We bark at the sun shining. That Man says "Shut UP!" but we keep barking. It's our job.

Yesterday we were on the Big Porch, taking a break and licking our feet, when we heard My MaMaFigure and That Man talking. They were talking about My MaMaFigure going away. I got all in a wad and couldn't listen because My MaMaFigure has never been away from me and I will miss her. But LuLu listened and gave this report:

"MaMaFigure will be gone with her Church Lady Friends for One Day, One Night and Another Day and then she will come home."  

I am already missing her and she hasn't even left. And then LuLu says this:

"That Man will be in total charge of us while MaMaFigure is gone. This means we will not be getting many treats."

LuLu is right. My MaMaFigure gives us a treat before we pee, after we pee, after we poop, when we get to the steps, when we walk in the door and when she takes our leashes off of us.

She also gives us treats when we swing with her on the Big Porch, when she gets home from her Job, and after she and That Man get home from buying more treats, and because we are cute and just because she loves us. She likes to give treats to us.

That Man tosses us half a treat when we come in from peeing. He says we are going to go broke because My MaMaFigure gives us so many treats. My MaMaFigure just laughs and gives us another treat. LuLu says we won't be getting any poop treats, Big Porch treats or We're Cute treats for One Day, One Night and Another Day.

This is our morning treat. My MaMaFigure feeds us one Cheerio at a time while she is eating her cereal. We get real excited when it is Cheerio time! I spin 'round and 'round in circles and My MaMaFigure says I am going to turn into butter! That Man just shakes his head. LuLu says we won't be getting any Cheerios for One Day, One Night and Another Day.  

This is our Extra Special After Bath Treat!!! We run to the kitchen after our baths and wait at the refrigerator for My MaMaFigure to open the door and get these out!!! We bark and I spin 'round and 'round again! I get so excited! And sometimes me and LuLu get in a fight!! LuLu always wins and My MaMaFigure has to scold her. LuLu doesn't like to take baths or wear clothes, but she likes our Extra Special After Bath Treat!! All My MaMaFigure has to do is say "baby carrots" and we go nuts!!! LuLu says we won't be getting any Extra Special After Bath Treats because it will be Another Day and My MaMaFigure will still be gone.

Here is a picture of me. I am wishing My MaMaFigure would stay home, but I still look pretty good in this picture. I will miss My MaMaFigure for One Day, One Night and Another Day.

This is LuLu. She says if she doesn't get a treat after two pees she is going to poop in That Man's shoes.

This is a closeup of LuLu. She says My MaMaFigure should develop a Pug Treat Schedule app for her iPhone and send it to That Man while she is gone for One Day, One Night and Another Day.

Here is another good picture of me. I am going to miss My MaMaFigure so much. LuLu says to look imploringly at her and maybe she won't go away with her Church Lady Friends. She says if it doesn't work on her to look imploringly at That Man and maybe he will give us all of our treats for One Day, One Night and Another Day.

Thank you for reading my blog.
Mister Bean

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

The Monsters Next Door

It has been15 weeks, 6 days, 13 hours and 46 minutes since my last post. Me and LuLu have licked our feet 16,896,502 times since you last heard from me. That Man has told us to stop licking our feet
16, 896, 502 times. We are very loud feet-lickers and he says it gets on his nerves.  LuLu says That Man  is going stir-crazy.

We finally got to go out on the Big Porch! Yaaaayyyyy!!! My MaMaFigure says the days are getting longer and she is happy!! That Man says they are still just 24 hours long.

There was a big surprise waiting for us when we went to the Big Porch!!!!!

Four monsters moved in next door!!!!!!

Here is a picture of two of the monsters. Me and LuLu barked and barked and barked at them, but all they did was lift up their tail and poop!!!! They poop BIG!!! And they don't get any treats when they poop. My MaMaFigure told That Man she would like to have some of the Monster Poop for her gardens. 

I wrote a poem for My MaMaFigure about the Monsters. It is called:

A Poem for My MaMaFigure About the Monsters

We never saw a Monster before,
and now four have moved in next door. 

They don't do much, just stand around and poop,
it looks wet and sticky, like a pile of black goop. 

My MaMaFigure wants Monster Poop for her gardens,
She said That Man could go get her some poop when it hardens.

 The End

This is another one of the Monsters. That Man says if we don't stop barking at the Monsters while we are sitting on the Big Porch he is going to put us in the fence with them. LuLu says "bring it on!", but I noticed they have Big Hard Monster Feet. And Long Monster Faces with Big Monster Teeth. And sometimes they make Loud Monster Sounds.  I am scared of them. 

Here is a picture of LuLu. She is working up a bark so she can bark at the Monsters. She is going to get us in big trouble.

Here is a picture of me. I have a very expressive face and a toned physique. 
I think I look pretty good in this picture.  

Thank you for reading my blog.
Mister Bean