Friday, April 15, 2016

Happy Birthday to me!!!!!!!

My MaMaFigure says today, November 9, 2011, is a very special day. She says it is my birthday and I am three years old!!

I was born in a little town called Riceville, Tennessee. I didn't know My MaMaFigure, That Man, or the Grandgirl, or the Grandboy, or Ourson, or Ourdawternlaw! I didn't even know LuLu! I didn't know anything about going camping, or going to Dollywood! I didn't even have any blobs to play with and I pooped and peed everywhere!

 All I knew was survival! Even at the age of two hours I was fighting for a place in the lunch line. All the other little pugs would fight me for a spout. At night I would lay in a huddle with the other little pugs and dream that someday a nice MaMaFigure would come and rescue me. And nine weeks later, here came My MaMaFigure and That Man and The Grandboy and The Grandgirl! That Man was driving his big truck and I said "See ya!" to the other pugs and I left.   
Me and LuLu have been going through my picture album. She put together some of my pictures and she calls it...

Mister Bean, The Early Years

This is the earliest known picture of me. I was riding home in That Man's big truck.


When I got home the first thing I did was poop in the floor. I didn't know any better. 


This is a picture of me with the love of my life, My MaMaFigure.


I don't know what My MaMaFigure was thinking when she took me to see the Easter Bunny. All he had on was a big bow tie. No shorts, no socks and he had mean eyes and big teeth.

This is me chewing one of the Blob Boys. He ran away. My MaMaFigure raised the chair cushion and there he was, smiling at her.

This is when LuLu came to live with us. She scared me for a long time. That Man says LuLu still has unresolved issues.


This is when I Got Fixed. It hurt really bad and I had to go to the doctor and take all kinds of medicine. My MaMaFigure stayed up all night holding me and rocking me in her chair. We found out that I was too young to Get Fixed. That Man says because I was so young I will forever be My MaMaFigure's Little Pugboy.

One day My MaMaFigure put bells around my neck and my legs. I didn't move because I was scared. That Man said 'what's wrong with him?' because I didn't move for six minutes and seventeen seconds. My MaMaFigure timed it.

This is a picture of me in my Commander of the Space Pugs Guard Unit. I think I look pretty good in this picture.

This was when I was real little and I made a mistake and pooped in the house and That Man stepped in it while he was wearing his new house shoes that he got when My MaMaFigure took the Scarecrows Out and Brought the Trees In the House.

This is LuLu. She is my best friend.

This is a pretty good picture of me.

My MaMaFigure said Happy Birthday to me this morning and she hugged me and said I love you Mister Bean! She said she would have walked barefoot in the cold all the way to Riceville to get me because I have made her smile every day since I came to live with her, even the day she had her gall bladder removed.

LuLu said Happy Birthday Bean! She says I am a good kid and she appreciates me not saying anything about her being in the Witness Protection Program.

My MaMaFigure asked That Man if he was going to tell me Happy Birthday, but he just looked at me.  He petted me on the head when My MaMaFigure wasn't looking.

Being born is a good thing to do because you get to have birthdays and you are treated special!!

Thank you for reading my blog.
Sincerely,
Mister Bean

Friday, November 2, 2012

Happy Halloween! Grease is the Word!


Me and LuLu knew it would happen! When the leaves start changing colors and the scary scarecrows sit on the fireplace and the Big Porch, My MaMaFigure makes us wear strange clothes.

We have been a space pug, a fairy, a pink pig with wings, a bumblebee, a unicorn and a cow, but this year My MaMaFigure said we were going to be Danny Zuko and Sandy Olson. 


I am a T-Bird and LuLu is a Pink Lady.
That Man and My MaMaFigure say that Grease is one of those movies you have to watch when you are flipping channels, like Coal Miner's Daughter, Forrest Gump, A League of Their Own (LuLu's favorite) and A Christmas Story. My MaMaFigure says even though she likes the movie, Barry Gibb must have been stoned when he wrote the song. Grease is the Word! It's got groove! It's got meaning! Grease is a time, it's a place, it's a motion! Grease is the way we are feeling!

When My MaMaFigure pulled my new jacket out of the bag, I began to feel like a rebel. Like I was cool. It is black with a T-bird sign on the back and I look real good in it.
This is a picture of me with my T-Bird jacket. I think I look pretty good in this picture.
LuLu's jacket is pink and it has Pink Ladies written on the back. LuLu ran under the table when she saw My MaMaFigure take it out of the bag. LuLu doesn't like to wear clothes or take baths.

LuLu says she will wear the jacket, but she refuses to be Sandy Olsen. She says she is Betty Rizzo. She says Sandy tried to impress Danny Zuko by wearing high heels and black leather and frizzing up her hair and smoking cigarettes. She says Rizzo would have pulled double majors in political science and criminal justice. Then she would have worked with the FBI and CIA with special security clearances from the government, eventually running both agencies, and she wouldn't have cared if she impressed anybody.  She says at the end of the movie, Danny and Sandy fly away in a flying car! She said Rizzo would have piloted a Chinook helicopter.

LuLu tried to run and hide when she saw her jacket. She says pink and black is a pretentious color combination and she is not Sandy Olsen. She says she is Betty Rizzo.
I went right over to My MaMaFigure so she could put my new jacket on me. I got a new attitude, like I was a hood. Like I wanted to drive a hot rod car and listen to rockabilly music. I started calling That Man "Daddy-O" and My MaMaFigure "Old Lady" and using words I've never heard before!

We always hang on the Big Porch when we wear our strange threads. Cats and chicks were makin' the scene. It was crazy, man. Daddy-O and My Old Lady were cookin', handing out candy to the ankle-biters. We were diggin' the bash, jammin' with the vinyls the Old Lady was spinnin'. Can you dig it?

My MaMaFigure popped my collar and I think it makes me look tough. I look pretty good in this picture too.

 
A neighbor dog stopped by our crib asking questions about our jackets. I asked him if he was cruisin' for a bruisin'? He said not to get bummed out, he thought we looked bad, so we were tight after that. Daddy-O and My Old Lady eyeballed him and he booked it outta there.

Here's a picture of me and LuLu. The end of our jackets kept flipping up because of our curly tails. I still look good though, like a T-Bird!
It got dark and cold and Daddy-O and My Old Lady said it was time to go in, so I told LuLu it was time to make like a tree and leave. We went inside and piled up some z's on My Old Lady's chair.

See ya later alligators,
Mister Bean