Happy Halloween! Grease is the Word!

Me and LuLu knew it would happen! When the leaves start changing colors and the scary scarecrows sit on the fireplace and the Big Porch, My MaMaFigure makes us wear strange clothes.

We have been a space pug, a fairy, a pink pig with wings, a bumblebee, a unicorn and a cow, but this year My MaMaFigure said we were going to be Danny Zuko and Sandy Olson. 



I am a T-Bird and LuLu is a Pink Lady.

That Man and My MaMaFigure say that Grease is one of those movies you have to watch when you are flipping channels, like Coal Miner's Daughter, Forrest Gump, A League of Their Own (LuLu's favorite) and A Christmas Story. My MaMaFigure says even though she likes the movie, Barry Gibb must have been stoned when he wrote the song. Grease is the Word! It's got groove! It's got meaning! Grease is a time, it's a place, it's a motion! Grease is the way we are feeling!

When My MaMaFigure pulled my new jacket out of the bag, I began to feel like a rebel. Like I was cool. It is black with a T-bird sign on the back and I look real good in it.

This is a picture of me with my T-Bird jacket. I think I look pretty good in this picture.

LuLu's jacket is pink and it has Pink Ladies written on the back. LuLu ran under the table when she saw My MaMaFigure take it out of the bag. LuLu doesn't like to wear clothes or take baths.

LuLu says she will wear the jacket, but she refuses to be Sandy Olsen. She says she is Betty Rizzo. She says Sandy tried to impress Danny Zuko by wearing high heels and black leather and frizzing up her hair and smoking cigarettes. She says Rizzo would have pulled double majors in political science and criminal justice. Then she would have worked with the FBI and CIA with special security clearances from the government, eventually running both agencies, and she wouldn't have cared if she impressed anybody.  She says at the end of the movie, Danny and Sandy fly away in a flying car! She said Rizzo would have piloted a Chinook helicopter.

LuLu tried to run and hide when she saw her jacket. She says pink and black is a pretentious color combination and she is not Sandy Olsen. She says she is Betty Rizzo.

I went right over to My MaMaFigure so she could put my new jacket on me. I got a new attitude, like I was a hood. Like I wanted to drive a hot rod car and listen to rockabilly music. I started calling That Man "Daddy-O" and My MaMaFigure "Old Lady" and using words I've never heard before!

We always hang on the Big Porch when we wear our strange threads. Cats and chicks were makin' the scene. It was crazy, man. Daddy-O and My Old Lady were cookin', handing out candy to the ankle-biters. We were diggin' the bash, jammin' with the vinyls the Old Lady was spinnin'. Can you dig it?


My MaMaFigure popped my collar and I think it makes me look tough. I look pretty good in this picture too.

 

A neighbor dog stopped by our crib asking questions about our jackets. I asked him if he was cruisin' for a bruisin'? He said not to get bummed out, he thought we looked bad, so we were tight after that. Daddy-O and My Old Lady eyeballed him and he booked it outta there.

Here's a picture of me and LuLu. The end of our jackets kept flipping up because of our curly tails. I still look good though, like a T-Bird!

It got dark and cold and Daddy-O and My Old Lady said it was time to go in, so I told LuLu it was time to make like a tree and leave. We went inside and piled up some z's on My Old Lady's chair.

See ya later alligators,
Mister Bean

Happy Birthday to My MaMaFigure!!!!!!!!!!

My MaMaFigure is on vacation this week and me and LuLu have been doing this,

and sometimes we'll do this,

and then I'll do this,

and LuLu will do this.

It has been real nice having My MaMaFigure at home. We get to spend lots of time with her on the Big Porch. Today is My MaMaFigure's birthday and she says we will have Happy Birthday cake on the Big Porch. I hope I get to wear another party hat like I did for That Man's birthday. I think I looked pretty good in it.

I love My MaMaFigure very much. She is the love of my life and because I love her so much I wrote a special birthday poem for her. It is called,

 

A Special Birthday Poem For My MaMaFigure Because I Love Her So Much

by Mister Bean

 

Who's the one I go to when I want a treat?

Who's the one whose lap I lay on while I lick my feet?

Who's the one who sits with me on the Big Porch in the swing?

Who's the one who makes me feel like it's forever spring?
My MaMaFigure!

Who's the one who takes the time to play and run with me?

Who's the one who sings when she takes me out to pee?

Who's the one who pets me when I have a bellyache?

Who's the one I follow every second I'm awake?

My MaMaFigure!!

Who's the one who makes sure me and LuLu get our shots?

Who's the one who loves us lots and lots and lots and lots?

Who's the one whose birthday we celebrate today?

Who was born on this sweetest day in the month of May?

My MaMaFigure!!!

 

LuLu wrote a poem for My MaMaFigure too. She says it doesn't have a name, it is just a poem.

by LuLu

Happy Birthday MaMaFigure

I hope you don't get bit by chiggers.

LuLu would like to state that the brevity of her verse in no way reflects small feelings for My MaMaFigure. Au contraire, says LuLu.  (LuLu speaks French.) LuLu says a man named Shakespeare said that brevity is the soul of wit. She says in Shakespeare's day, 'wit' principally referred to intelligence, and the essence or soul of being intelligent is to convey your thoughts as briefly and efficiently as possible.  Thus, in conclusion, LuLu says she sincerely wishes My MaMaFigure a Happy Birthday and, since My MaMaFigure spends a lot of time outside, she conveys the sincere hope that My MaMaFigure doesn't get chiggerbit.  LuLu is real smart. And I like the name "Shakespeare". LuLu says he wrote lots of stories for people who lived a long time ago. I am going to call myself Bean Shakespeare. It sounds cool.  


 I think My MaMaFigure will be happy with her birthday poems. That Man got her a big bag of sunflower seed for her birdfeeder because she likes to feed the birds and her Friend from Across the Pond sent her a pretty birthday card and a card about their Queen! My MaMaFigure likes it!  

 

We are going to spend My MaMaFigure's Happy Birthday on the Big Porch waiting for Happy Birthday cake!

 

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

 

Happy, Happy Birthday to That Man!!!!

Today is That Man's birthday! Me and LuLu love That Man! He takes care of us all day while My MaMaFigure is at her job. When My MaMaFigure is home, we follow her from room to room and sometimes it is exhausting. When it's just me and LuLu and That Man, we get to take naps. Sometimes I go to the crate and nap. LuLu climbs on the top of My MaMaFigure's chair and naps. Sometimes That Man goes to the Big Porch and we follow him and nap. Napping on the Big Porch is nice. Then we come in and he makes a sandwich and watches Matlock. I take another nap, but LuLu likes to watch Matlock with That Man.

Here is a picture of me in my Happy Birthday That Man hat. I think I look pretty good in this picture.

He took care of us while My MaMaFigure was gone for One Day, One Night and Another Day with her Church Lady Friends. He fusses sometimes because we walk around in the Comfortable Bed at night. He says we should be sleeping in our crate. Me and LuLu thought we would have to sleep in the crate for One Night, but we didn't!!! That Man must love us a lot!

This is LuLu in her Happy Birthday That Man hat. LuLu doesn't like to take baths, wear clothes or Happy Birthday hats.

Because That Man is good to us and takes care of us, I wrote a special Happy Birthday poem for him. It is called Happy, Happy Birthday to That Man!

Happy, Happy Birthday to That Man

by Mister Bean

Happy, Happy Birthday to That Man!

He drives a big truck, not a minivan.

He cooks supper in a frying pan.

Happy, Happy Birthday to That Man!

That Man is the Boss, but gentle and kind.

He gives us treats of bacon rind.

We travel with the family; we're never left behind.

That Man is the Boss, but gentle and kind.

That Man protects us when he takes us to pee,

in case a big, mean dog in our yard there be.

He chases it away and we bark "Yippee!!!"

'Cause That Man protects us when he takes us to pee.

That Man stays home with us every day.

Me and LuLu think he is A-okay!

We hope My MaMaFigure gives him a big par-tay,

because he deserves the best on his Happy Birthday!!!

That Man says he wants a pineapple pudding for his birthday. I hope My MaMaFigure drops some of it on the floor for me and LuLu. This is a good day and our world is a better place because That Man is in it!


We love you That Man!!!!


Thank you for reading my blog.
Sincerely,
Mister Bean

One Day, One Night and Another Day

Me and LuLu have been real busy on the Big Porch. We bark at everything. Outside is very fun and exciting! We bark at the monsters next door (see previous post) and the big yellow stray dog that wants to come and live with us. We bark at the neighbor's chickens. We bark at the birds at the birdfeeder. We bark at the wind blowing. We bark at the sun shining. That Man says "Shut UP!" but we keep barking. It's our job.

Yesterday we were on the Big Porch, taking a break and licking our feet, when we heard My MaMaFigure and That Man talking. They were talking about My MaMaFigure going away. I got all in a wad and couldn't listen because My MaMaFigure has never been away from me and I will miss her. But LuLu listened and gave this report:

"MaMaFigure will be gone with her Church Lady Friends for One Day, One Night and Another Day and then she will come home."  

I am already missing her and she hasn't even left. And then LuLu says this:

"That Man will be in total charge of us while MaMaFigure is gone. This means we will not be getting many treats."

LuLu is right. My MaMaFigure gives us a treat before we pee, after we pee, after we poop, when we get to the steps, when we walk in the door and when she takes our leashes off of us.

She also gives us treats when we swing with her on the Big Porch, when she gets home from her Job, and after she and That Man get home from buying more treats, and because we are cute and just because she loves us. She likes to give treats to us.

That Man tosses us half a treat when we come in from peeing. He says we are going to go broke because My MaMaFigure gives us so many treats. My MaMaFigure just laughs and gives us another treat. LuLu says we won't be getting any poop treats, Big Porch treats or We're Cute treats for One Day, One Night and Another Day.



This is our morning treat. My MaMaFigure feeds us one Cheerio at a time while she is eating her cereal. We get real excited when it is Cheerio time! I spin 'round and 'round in circles and My MaMaFigure says I am going to turn into butter! That Man just shakes his head. LuLu says we won't be getting any Cheerios for One Day, One Night and Another Day.  

This is our Extra Special After Bath Treat!!! We run to the kitchen after our baths and wait at the refrigerator for My MaMaFigure to open the door and get these out!!! We bark and I spin 'round and 'round again! I get so excited! And sometimes me and LuLu get in a fight!! LuLu always wins and My MaMaFigure has to scold her. LuLu doesn't like to take baths or wear clothes, but she likes our Extra Special After Bath Treat!! All My MaMaFigure has to do is say "baby carrots" and we go nuts!!! LuLu says we won't be getting any Extra Special After Bath Treats because it will be Another Day and My MaMaFigure will still be gone.

Here is a picture of me. I am wishing My MaMaFigure would stay home, but I still look pretty good in this picture. I will miss My MaMaFigure for One Day, One Night and Another Day.

This is LuLu. She says if she doesn't get a treat after two pees she is going to poop in That Man's shoes.

This is a closeup of LuLu. She says My MaMaFigure should develop a Pug Treat Schedule app for her iPhone and send it to That Man while she is gone for One Day, One Night and Another Day.

Here is another good picture of me. I am going to miss My MaMaFigure so much. LuLu says to look imploringly at her and maybe she won't go away with her Church Lady Friends. She says if it doesn't work on her to look imploringly at That Man and maybe he will give us all of our treats for One Day, One Night and Another Day.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean



The Monsters Next Door

It has been15 weeks, 6 days, 13 hours and 46 minutes since my last post. Me and LuLu have licked our feet 16,896,502 times since you last heard from me. That Man has told us to stop licking our feet

16, 896, 502 times. We are very loud feet-lickers and he says it gets on his nerves.  LuLu says That Man  is going stir-crazy.

We finally got to go out on the Big Porch! Yaaaayyyyy!!! My MaMaFigure says the days are getting longer and she is happy!! That Man says they are still just 24 hours long.

There was a big surprise waiting for us when we went to the Big Porch!!!!!



Four monsters moved in next door!!!!!!

Here is a picture of two of the monsters. Me and LuLu barked and barked and barked at them, but all they did was lift up their tail and poop!!!! They poop BIG!!! And they don't get any treats when they poop. My MaMaFigure told That Man she would like to have some of the Monster Poop for her gardens. 

I wrote a poem for My MaMaFigure about the Monsters. It is called:

A Poem for My MaMaFigure About the Monsters

We never saw a Monster before,
and now four have moved in next door. 

They don't do much, just stand around and poop,
it looks wet and sticky, like a pile of black goop. 

My MaMaFigure wants Monster Poop for her gardens,
She said That Man could go get her some poop when it hardens.

 The End

This is another one of the Monsters. That Man says if we don't stop barking at the Monsters while we are sitting on the Big Porch he is going to put us in the fence with them. LuLu says "bring it on!", but I noticed they have Big Hard Monster Feet. And Long Monster Faces with Big Monster Teeth. And sometimes they make Loud Monster Sounds.  I am scared of them. 



Here is a picture of LuLu. She is working up a bark so she can bark at the Monsters. She is going to get us in big trouble.

Here is a picture of me. I have a very expressive face and a toned physique. 

I think I look pretty good in this picture.  

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

Another Night We'll Never Forget

My MamaFigure has lost her mind again! It happens every year when Leaves Fall on the Big Porch! You can read about it  here: http://draft.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7121425533243046834#editor/target=post;postID=8160454732157979268

and here: http://draft.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7121425533243046834#editor/target=post;postID=1824253351010700277

Me and LuLu are still wondering what this is all about! By now we know that My MaMafigure is going to put clothes on us, we will stay on the Big Porch until after dark, strange things come to our house and My MaMaFigure and That Man will give them candy! But we still don’t know why!

Sure enough, tonight came and my MaMaFigure and That Man put lights all over the Big Porch while me and LuLu sat on the moving chair at the other end of the porch licking our feet. We heard That Man ask my MamaFigure when she was going to put our clothes on us and what they were.  My MamaFigure said "Now, a uniform."  LuLu got excited! LuLu doesn’t like to wear clothes or take baths, but she said she would wear a uniform!  She said this reminded her of the old days when she worked at a big house in a place called D.C. We don’t know much about LuLu’s past, but she didn’t even run under the bed or the dining room table when My MaMaFigure took our new uniforms out of the bag! We felt important!  LuLu said we were going to be Acting in an Official Capacity!

 I was hoping I’d get a new space pug uniform, because I always want to communicate with all the space pugs that are circling the planet. I knew if they saw me in an Official Uniform they would want to make me their leader! I thought LuLu was going to cry!   My Official Uniform was black and white and I stood at attention when my MamaFigure put it on me.

Here is a picture of me in my Official Uniform. I look pretty good in this picture.

Then LuLu stood at attention while she got dressed in her Official Uniform! She said Bean, look! my uniform even has a helmet! And sure enough! There was a big gold official-looking pointy thing on LuLu’s helmet! I told LuLu she looked official and she was proud!

LuLu in her uniform. She liked her fancy helmet with the gold official-looking pointy thing on it.

Then I noticed something on the bottom of my uniform! I didn’t know what it was, or what I was supposed to do with it! So, I asked LuLu, because LuLu knows everything…she can speak French, she understands aerodynamics and conspiracy theories, she knows how to use the remote control to watch Animal Planet….and sure enough! She knew exactly what the things were! She said they were jet packs! She said I would be able to fly in my Official Uniform and the space pugs would see me! 

The jet packs are underneath my uniform.

And then I noticed LuLu had wings on her Official Uniform! LuLu has always wanted to fly! She wants a tattoo that says ‘When thrust is greater than drag, things fly’!

Then LuLu said she had an epiphany! I said hide it under the leaves on the Big Porch before That Man sees it!  LuLu said we were to do Official Flyovers in our Official Uniforms while all the strange creatures came to our house to get candy!  

Then I had an epiphany too! I said our Official Code names would be Eagle and Hawk! I'm Eagle!

Then all of the strange things started coming to the Big Porch, and they always said trick or treat to That Man and My MaMaFigure.  We saw a little girl in a bonnet and long dress and she was with a big rooster!

 Both of us jumped onto the moving chair while That Man gave candy to the bonnet girl and rooster.   Then Hawk barked the order to fly!  For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing happened some more.  Me and Hawk sat there, wanting to do an Official Flyover for a railroad engineer, a little girl in a little red riding hood and a cowboy, but my jet pack didn’t work and Hawk’s wings didn’t move.

Here's Hawk (a.k.a LuLu). She is getting ready for a takeoff.

We tried again from That Man’s chair, but we never flew. Hawk thought the headwind was too great and was reducing our ground speed, therefore decreasing our chance for takeoff. I think My MaMafigure forgot to buy batteries for my jet pack.  



Every time a strange creature came to our house, we tried to do an Official Flyover, but failed. Then both of us realized that My MaMaFigure had been flim-flammed again. Our Official Uniforms didn’t work and we never got to do any Official Flyovers as Eagle and Hawk. Hawk said she is going to google ‘how to build a launch pad’ before Leaves Fall on the Porch next year.

Here I am, concentrating on my takeoff. I look pretty good in this picture.

Finally, the last strange creature came to our house. We were tired from jumping on and off the chairs and Hawk was hoarse from barking orders! She looked like a mess; the gold, official-looking pointy thing on her helmet got smashed when she crashed off That Man’s chair.

Hawk's Official Uniform is askew and the gold pointy thing on her helmet is mashed from an evening of crash landings.

 My jet packs came loose and were dragging the floor, and I never got to communicate with the space pugs, but I still think I looked pretty good in my Official Uniform.

Eagle.
My official portrait.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

Sunday Afternoon on the Big Porch

 It is almost time for Leaves to Fall on the Big Porch and My MaMaFigure has been putting the scary scarecrows in the house and on the Big Porch. The scary scarecrows watch everything me and LuLu do! LuLu says the scary scarecrows are spies!!!!  

Yesterday, when me and LuLu were on the Big Porch, we saw this across the street!!!!!!!!

It is a Tree Hugger!!! We saw Tree Huggers on the Green Planet Channel and we know all about them and how they want to save the planet by recycling milk jugs and grass clippings. LuLu says all the major movie stars are Tree Huggers and she thinks our Tree Hugger is Lindsay Lohan. She says Lindsay Lohan wears shoes and socks just like this! We are excited to have a Movie Star Tree Hugger across the street from us!! 

I am also excited because I have just completed my second major motion picture! I will send a color autographed  8x10 of me, Mister Bean, if you will join my Fan Club!

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

Mister Bean.wmv I am a movie star!

It was a lot of fun starring in my first feature film! I am looking forward to signing autographs and appearing on the red carpet, but LuLu says she doesn't do red carpet. LuLu doesn't like to wear clothes or take baths.

 Thank you for watching my movie.

Sincerely,
Mister Bean

MB, SuperPug!!

This is MB SuperPug! Along with my trusty sidekick Secret SuperAgent uLuL, we patrol the planet Big Porch each evening, securing the boundaries from squirrels, chipmunks, circus clowns, hummingbirds, grain silos, teenage bicycle riders, bunny rabbits, falling leaves, ants, the hummingbird feeder, decorative flags, petunias and visitors.

Using my Laser Pug-O-Vision SuperPower, I locate possible marauders in the Far-Away Woods surrounding planet Big Porch! Alerting Secret SuperAgent uLuL with my Powerful SuperBark, she immediately runs the length of planet Big Porch, daring intruders to enter!!!

MB, SuperPug activating his Laser Pug-O-Vision SuperPower!!!

Oh no!!! My arch nemesis, The Fly Swat (being transported by That Man Zombie), is challenging my Laser Pug-O-Vision SuperPower ability! That Man Zombie, prompted by The Fly Swat, tells me in a mean zombie voice "You don't see anything out there! Shut up!" Unafraid, I continue my PowerFul SuperBark, as my Laser Pug-O-Vision zones in on a tiny, almost invisible caterpillar in the Far-Away Woods.

Secret SuperAgent uLuL bravely continues to patrol the porch.  The Fly Swat then turns That Man Zombie around and goes towards Secret SuperAgent uLuL!! "Shutup!" Fly Swat directs That Man Zombie to say in a fierce zombie voice!!

Super SecretAgent uLuL squats, threatening to unleash her Secret Weapon...A MegaPoop!!! "Curses!" says Fly Swat, voiced by That Man Zombie. Defeated, Fly Swat releases That Man from being a zombie and retires to its hideout, a nail behind That Man's chair, to plot it's next threat against me and Secret SuperAgent uLuL as we continue our mission to keep planet Big Porch a safe and secure place to spend the evening.

Secret SuperAgent uLuL. She doesn't have any SuperPowers like I do, but she has a Secret Weapon.

Me and Secret Agent uLuL jump into the moving chair and survey planet Big Porch. I think I look pretty good in this picture, and humble too. No one would ever suspect that I am MB, SuperPug, with Laser Pug-O-Vision and the Powerful SuperBark!! Secret SuperAgent uLuL contained her Secret Weapon for our next mission.

Mission accomplished.


Thank you for reading my blog.
Sincerely,
Mister Bean

America's Sweetheart

Me and LuLu spend a lot of time on the Big Porch now. It is warm outside and My MamaFigure and That Man sit on the porch or work in the garden while me and LuLu bark and lick our feet. We talk about the best place to take a nap, the best place to take a poop, our favorite treat (baby carrots), where does My MamaFigure go almost every morning wearing nice shoes and how does That Man make food without dropping it on the kitchen floor.

Most of the time LuLu likes to talk about Being a Famous Aviator. But now she says she is going to put her Famous Aviator plans on hold because she now wants to be something else.

LuLu says she wants to be America's Sweetheart.

I have been wondering why LuLu has been so nice the last few days.  That Man says LuLu would have made a great prison matron. So, LuLu has been practicing Being America's Sweetheart so when the America's Sweetheart Contest comes to town she will be ready.

Now when My MamaFigure and That Man ask her if she needs to go pee-pee, she runs to the back door and looks at them with big round eyes and she shows her underbite. She calls it The Look, and she says it is her talent for the America's Sweetheart competition. She says with The Look she should also win the title of Miss Congeniality.  My MamaFigure says LuLu is adorable.  Also, when our cousin Shorty comes down to check out our poops in the woods behind our house, LuLu no longer barks ferociously at him.  Instead, she says "Happy Sniffing" to Shorty and gives him The Look.

Here is a picture of LuLu's The Look. She says her underbite shows her vulnerability and her round eyes express tenderness. She says vulnerability and tenderness are the hallmarks of being America's Sweetheart.

The Look

Last night LuLu messed up her America's Sweetheart practice. She says she didn't have any excuse for her behavior; she says her canine instinct took over.

The old LuLu. Her motto was
"Get outta my way before I knock you into next week!"

My MamaFigure was lying back in her recliner, watching American Idol.  Me and LuLu were in her lap, because that is what we were bred to do and That Man won't let us in his new chair, so we always  sit with My MamaFigure. LuLu said to please (she says please and thank you now) wake her up if she started snoring, because snoring isn't acceptable behavior for an America's Sweetheart contestant.  LuLu started snoring when Scotty began singing She Believes in Me. I was a little bit scared to wake LuLu up! But she got louder and louder!! And I made her a promise!! Finally, I moved my paw to her paw and touched it, hoping LuLu would stop snoring, but LuLu woke up and she went berserk!!!!

Vote LuLu Nelson for America's Sweetheart!!

She started barking and she ran all over My MamaFigure.  My MamaFigure couldn't move!!! She didn't know what LuLu was going to do next!! Then, she climbed over My MamaFigure and stood on the top of the recliner with her front paws digging into My MamaFigure's head!! Lauren Alaina was singing I Hope You Dance and My MamaFigure's arms and legs were flailing everywhere and she was yelling "Lulu!! LuLu!!" That Man was eating potato chips (I begged for some, but he didn't pay any attention to me). When he saw My MamaFigure flailing he made a noise and all the chips came out of his mouth in a spray. I jumped off My MamaFigure's lap just in time and caught the chips in mid-air!! I was awesome and it was fun!!! 

Finally, My MamaFigure was able to move and she sat up in the recliner.  She sat up so fast that it tipped foward and My MamaFigure slid onto the floor.  LuLu slid down from the top of the recliner and landed behind My MamaFigure. She says at that moment she realized she wasn't behaving like America's Sweetheart, so when My MamaFigure turned around, LuLu immediately gave her The Look. 

LuLu says she will continue her America's Sweetheart practice tomorrow.

My MamaFigure laughed at LuLu. LuLu says this proves that The Look will make her a Force to Be Reckoned With when she enters the America's Sweetheart contest.

Here is a picture of me on the Big Porch. I think I look pretty good in this picture.   

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

Going Camping!

Me and LuLu are excited!!! We are going to go on our first camping trip of 2011!

I am trying to decide who gets to go this time...Dirty Bear, New Squirrel, or the Snowman I got for Christmas. The Blob Boys will never go camping again. They are trouble!!! One of them ran away last camping trip and we found him behind the camper, headed for the woods!!!

 Here is a family picture of the Blob Boys. LuLu says their smiles are 'insipid'.

We're really not sure that all of them are boys. Especially the green one.  The orange ones are identical twins. The blue one is the one that ran away last year.

The Grandboy and the Grandgirl are going too! YAAAAAAYYYY!!!! The Grandboy sleeps on the top bunk and we pretend it is our hideout!! NO GIRLS ALLOWED!!!!

LuLu can't wait to wear her new shirt. It is a hand-me-down shirt because now that I am a big, muscular pug I can't wear it any more. LuLu likes the shirt very much, even though she doesn't actually like to wear clothes, because it has 1960's graffitti on it. Here is a picture of me and LuLu in her hand-me-down 1960s inspired grafitti shirt.    

       

I think I look pretty good in this picture. LuLu is smiling, see her teeth? She can't wait to wear her shirt, and she doesn't even like to wear clothes!!!!

She says she is going to pretend she is an activist pug from the 60's counterculteral movement. She says to honor the Free Speech Movement of the 60's, she is going to bark during Quiet Time in the campground. Then she says she is going to practice Environmentalism by pooping deep into the woods where trees fall and no one hears them because there's no one there to listen, and she is hoping my MaMaFigure will take her Doors and Pink Floyd CDs and everyone will gather in the campground field for Woodstock II.  Sometimes we have movie night when it gets dark and she says maybe we will get to watch Billy Jack movies. She sings "Go ahead and hate your neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend".  And then she sings something about one tin soldier riding away. I don't understand anything she's talking about but then she says she wants me to be a flower child with her. I like flowers! I sniff them and then I pee on them. Awesome!

Here is another picture of us. I made it really big so you can see me. I think I look pretty good in this picture too. I just had a bath and I am real buff. When I am not pretending I am the Commander of a Space Pug Guard Unit, I like to pretend I am a Professional Wrestler named Buff'nStuff.

LuLu says she loves the 1960s. I am real happy with 2011, where I can sit in My MamaFigure's lap and watch American Idol and reruns of the Waltons.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean   

On the Big Porch

It is spring again and me and LuLu have been spending a lot of time out on the Big Porch. We get to bark at the birds at My MamaFigure's birdfeeders, and the wind blowing and the clouds moving. We like the Big Porch!

When My MamaFigure gets home from work and finishes her chores, sometimes she will sit on the porch swing. She brings her mandolin outside and plays it. Here is a picture of her mandolin.

She says she stinks at playing the mandolin and me and LuLu think she is right. I love My MamaFigure, but I wish she would just play the radio.

She plays Sally Gooden and Rank Stranger. Sally Gooden is supposed to be a happy, fast song. It doesn't sound happy or fast when My MamaFigure plays it.

She says Rank Stranger is an old Appalachian Ballad song. It is real sad, it is about a person who comes home after being gone for a long time and nobody knows who he is! My MamaFigure says all the old Appalachian Ballad songs are sad. She sings Rank Stranger when she plays it on her mandolin and it sounds really sad and it makes me want to howl. Here is a picture of me listening to my MamaFigure.

 I think I look pretty good in this picture, even if I am wanting to howl.

Here is a picture of LuLu. She says pugs are not supposed to howl. She says we are yappy little house dogs, bred to adorn the laps of Chinese emperors.

But, I still want to howl. My MamaFigure is coming to the part where she sings "they knew not my name, and I knew not their faces. I found they were all Rank Strangers to me." Here is a picture of me, trying not to howl, concentrating really hard on Dirty Bear, New Squirrel, camping, my favorite place to take a poop, That Man won't let us sit in his new chair, The Grandboy is coming to visit us this afternoon......

Finally, I had to create a diversion so My MamaFigure will stop playing the mandolin badly and singing the sad Appalachian Ballad. So, I run across the Big Porch and start barking. LuLu automatically thinks there is conflict, so she runs across the porch and barks with me. 

My diversion worked. My MamaFigure scolded us and told us to stop barking. Our barking ruined her mandolin moment.  She put it back in the case and went inside.   

That Man says he thinks we are good-looking pugs, but he doesn't understand why Chinese emperors bred us to have curly tails. He says they must have only looked at us from the front.  

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

Home Alone!

Something fun and exciting has happened!!!

When That Man or my MamaFigure leave us, they always say "Crate up pugs!" and me and LuLu run to the crate. Well, yesterday I heard my MaMaFigure ask That Man, "Do you think they will be okay if we don't put them in the crate while we're gone?" That Man said "We're only going to be gone for 10 or 15 minutes, just shut the bedroom doors and I think they'll be okay."

We have never been left in the house by ourselves unless we are in the crate! Me and LuLu sat on the sofa and we were real good and quiet so they wouldn't change their minds.  But, inside we were so excited!!  I wanted to pretend I was the Commander of the Space Pug Guard Unit and LuLu kept saying "I know the password!"

Finally, they were ready to leave and we followed them to the back door and heard the truck door shut......

LuLu ran to the front windows and hopped up on the back of the chair and watched them leave. She said my MamaFigure was watching and waving and she looked worried. Here is a picture of LuLu on the
back of the chair.

Just when I was assuming my Commander of the Space Pug Guard Unit identity, LuLu ran to the dining room table! LuLu is a climber and we never know what she's going to climb or how she does it. That Man says LuLu could climb a steel post. He had left the laptop on the dining room table and LuLu said she was going to Google. I told her she'd better do it under the bed so That Man wouldn't see it. She said she was going to search the web for Lockheed P-38 Lightening fighter jets. She says it is a World War II fighter jet. LuLu wants to fly real bad! She found pictures of the airplane she wants and she kept saying stuff like 'vintage' and 'old school'. Some of the airplanes had teeth and mean faces painted on them and they scared me. Here is a picture of LuLu on the dining room chair, Googling.

I never got to pretend I was the Commander of the Space Pug Guard Unit. LuLu said I had to be the Lookout for That Man and my MamaFigure and she made me watch the Home Shopping Network. She said HSN might have a Lockheed P-38 Lightening for sale. She said she would give me a ride in her fighter jet, but I don't want a ride. I want to stay home with my MamaFigure and That Man. Here is a picture of me wishing my MamaFigure and That Man would come home. From now on, when they say they are going somewhere I am running to my crate and crawling in! I can't take this kind of pressure.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,
Mister Bean