Mister Bean, A Little Pug in a Big World

Happy Birthday to me!!!!!!!

2011-11-09T03:40:00.000-08:00

My MaMaFigure says today, November 9, 2011, is a very special day. She says it is my birthday and I am three years old!!

I was born in a little town called Riceville, Tennessee. I didn't know My MaMaFigure, That Man, or the Grandgirl, or the Grandboy, or Ourson, or Ourdawternlaw! I didn't even know LuLu! I didn't know anything about going camping, or going to Dollywood! I didn't even have any blobs to play with and I pooped and peed everywhere!

All I knew was survival! Even at the age of two hours I was fighting for a place in the lunch line. All the other little pugs would fight me for a spout. At night I would lay in a huddle with the other little pugs and dream that someday a nice MaMaFigure would come and rescue me. And nine weeks later, here came My MaMaFigure and That Man and The Grandboy and The Grandgirl! That Man was driving his big truck and I said "See ya!" to the other pugs and I left.

Me and LuLu have been going through my picture album. She put together some of my pictures and she calls it...

Mister Bean, The Early Years

This is the earliest known picture of me. I was riding home in That Man's big truck.

When I got home the first thing I did was poop in the floor. I didn't know any better.

This is a picture of me with the love of my life, My MaMaFigure.

I don't know what My MaMaFigure was thinking when she took me to see the Easter Bunny. All he had on was a big bow tie. No shorts, no socks and he had mean eyes and big teeth.

This is me chewing one of the Blob Boys. He ran away. My MaMaFigure raised the chair cushion and there he was, smiling at her.

This is when LuLu came to live with us. She scared me for a long time. That Man says LuLu still has unresolved issues.

This is when I Got Fixed. It hurt really bad and I had to go to the doctor and take all kinds of medicine. My MaMaFigure stayed up all night holding me and rocking me in her chair. We found out that I was too young to Get Fixed. That Man says because I was so young I will forever be My MaMaFigure's Little Pugboy.

One day My MaMaFigure put bells around my neck and my legs. I didn't move because I was scared. That Man said 'what's wrong with him?' because I didn't move for six minutes and seventeen seconds. My MaMaFigure timed it.

This is a picture of me in my Commander of the Space Pugs Guard Unit. I think I look pretty good in this picture.

This was when I was real little and I made a mistake and pooped in the house and That Man stepped in it while he was wearing his new house shoes that he got when My MaMaFigure took the Scarecrows Out and Brought the Trees In the House.

This is LuLu. She is my best friend.

This is a pretty good picture of me.

My MaMaFigure said Happy Birthday to me this morning and she hugged me and said I love you Mister Bean! She said she would have walked barefoot in the cold all the way to Riceville to get me because I have made her smile every day since I came to live with her, even the day she had her gall bladder removed.

LuLu said Happy Birthday Bean! She says I am a good kid and she appreciates me not saying anything about her being in the Witness Protection Program. Sometimes LuLu barks and runs in her sleep.

My MaMaFigure asked That Man if he was going to tell me Happy Birthday, but he just looked at me. He petted me on the head when My MaMaFigure wasn't looking.

Being born is a good thing to do because you get to have birthdays and you are treated special!!

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

Another Night We'll Never Forget

2011-10-31T18:44:00.000-07:00

My MamaFigure has lost her mind again! It happens every year when Leaves Fall on the Big Porch! You can read about it here: http://draft.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7121425533243046834#editor/target=post;postID=8160454732157979268

and here: http://draft.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7121425533243046834#editor/target=post;postID=1824253351010700277

Me and LuLu are still wondering what this is all about! By now we know that My MaMafigure is going to put clothes on us, we will stay on the Big Porch until after dark, strange things come to our house and My MaMaFigure and That Man will give them candy! But we still don’t know why!

Sure enough, tonight came and my MaMaFigure and That Man put lights all over the Big Porch while me and LuLu sat on the moving chair at the other end of the porch licking our feet. We heard That Man ask my MamaFigure when she was going to put our clothes on us and what they were. My MamaFigure said "Now, a uniform." LuLu got excited! LuLu doesn’t like to wear clothes or take baths, but she said she would wear a uniform! She said this reminded her of the old days when she worked at a big house in a place called D.C. We don’t know much about LuLu’s past, but she didn’t even run under the bed or the dining room table when My MaMaFigure took our new uniforms out of the bag! We felt important! LuLu said we were going to be Acting in an Official Capacity!

I was hoping I’d get a new space pug uniform, because I always want to communicate with all the space pugs that are circling the planet. I knew if they saw me in an Official Uniform they would want to make me their leader! I thought LuLu was going to cry! My Official Uniform was black and white and I stood at attention when my MamaFigure put it on me.

Here is a picture of me in my Official Uniform. I look pretty good in this picture.

Then LuLu stood at attention while she got dressed in her Official Uniform! She said Bean, look! my uniform even has a helmet! And sure enough! There was a big gold official-looking pointy thing on LuLu’s helmet! I told LuLu she looked official and she was proud!

LuLu in her uniform. She liked her fancy helmet with the gold official-looking pointy thing on it.

Then I noticed something on the bottom of my uniform! I didn’t know what it was, or what I was supposed to do with it! So, I asked LuLu, because LuLu knows everything…she can speak French, she understands aerodynamics and conspiracy theories, she knows how to use the remote control to watch Animal Planet….and sure enough! She knew exactly what the things were! She said they were jet packs! She said I would be able to fly in my Official Uniform and the space pugs would see me!

The jet packs are underneath my uniform.

And then I noticed LuLu had wings on her Official Uniform! LuLu has always wanted to fly! She wants a tattoo that says ‘When thrust is greater than drag, things fly’!

Then LuLu said she had an epiphany! I said hide it under the leaves on the Big Porch before That Man sees it! LuLu said we were to do Official Flyovers in our Official Uniforms while all the strange creatures came to our house to get candy!

Then I had an epiphany too! I said our Official Code names would be Eagle and Hawk! I got to be Eagle!

Then all of the strange things started coming to the Big Porch, and they always said trick or treat to That Man and My MaMaFigure. We saw a little girl in a bonnet and long dress and she was with a big rooster!

Both of us jumped onto the moving chair while That Man gave candy to the bonnet girl and rooster. Then Hawk barked the order to fly! For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing happened some more. Me and Hawk sat there, wanting to do an Official Flyover for a railroad engineer, a little girl in a little red riding hood and a cowboy, but my jet pack didn’t work and Hawk’s wings didn’t move.

Here's Hawk (a.k.a LuLu). She is getting ready for a takeoff.

We tried again from That Man’s chair, but we never flew. Hawk thought the headwind was too great and was reducing our ground speed, therefore decreasing our chance for takeoff. I think My MaMafigure forgot to buy batteries for my jet pack.

Every time a strange creature came to our house, we tried to do an Official Flyover, but failed. Then both of us realized that My MaMaFigure had been flim-flammed again. Our Official Uniforms didn’t work and we never got to do any Official Flyovers as Eagle and Hawk. Hawk said she is going to google ‘how to build a launch pad’ before Leaves Fall on the Porch next year.

Here I am, concentrating on my takeoff. I look pretty good in this picture.

Finally, the last strange creature came to our house. We were tired from jumping on and off the chairs and Hawk was hoarse from barking orders! She looked like a mess; the gold, official-looking pointy thing on her helmet got smashed when she crashed off That Man’s chair.

Hawk's Official Uniform is askew and the gold pointy thing on her helmet is mashed from an evening of crash landings.

My jet packs came loose and were dragging the floor, and I never got to communicate with the space pugs, but I still think I looked pretty good in my Official Uniform.

Eagle.
My official portrait.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

Sunday Afternoon on the Big Porch

2011-10-09T20:30:00.000-07:00

It is almost time for Leaves to Fall on the Big Porch and My MaMaFigure has been putting the scary scarecrows in the house and on the Big Porch. The scary scarecrows watch everything me and LuLu do! LuLu says the scary scarecrows are spies!!!!

Yesterday, when me and LuLu were on the Big Porch, we saw this across the street!!!!!!!!

It is a Tree Hugger!!! We saw Tree Huggers on the Green Planet Channel and we know all about them and how they want to save the planet by recycling milk jugs and grass clippings. LuLu says all the major movie stars are Tree Huggers and she thinks our Tree Hugger is Lindsay Lohan. She says Lindsay Lohan wears shoes and socks just like this! We are excited to have a Movie Star Tree Hugger across the street from us!!

I am also excited because I have just completed my second major motion picture! I will send a color autographed 8x10 of me, Mister Bean, if you will join my Fan Club!

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

Mister Bean.wmv I am a movie star!

2011-08-07T11:27:00.000-07:00

It was a lot of fun starring in my first feature film! I am looking forward to signing autographs and appearing on the red carpet, but LuLu says she doesn't do red carpet. LuLu doesn't like to wear clothes or take baths.

Thank you for watching my movie.

Sincerely,
Mister Bean

MB, SuperPug!!

2011-06-15T16:31:00.000-07:00

This is MB SuperPug! Along with my trusty sidekick Secret SuperAgent uLuL, we patrol the planet Big Porch each evening, securing the boundaries from squirrels, chipmunks, circus clowns, hummingbirds, grain silos, teenage bicycle riders, bunny rabbits, falling leaves, ants, the hummingbird feeder, decorative flags, petunias and visitors.

Using my Laser Pug-O-Vision SuperPower, I locate possible marauders in the Far-Away Woods surrounding planet Big Porch! Alerting Secret SuperAgent uLuL with my Powerful SuperBark, she immediately runs the length of planet Big Porch, daring intruders to enter!!!

MB, SuperPug activating his Laser Pug-O-Vision SuperPower!!!

Oh no!!! My arch nemesis, The Fly Swat (being transported by That Man Zombie), is challenging my Laser Pug-O-Vision SuperPower ability! That Man Zombie, prompted by The Fly Swat, tells me in a mean zombie voice "You don't see anything out there! Shut up!" Unafraid, I continue my PowerFul SuperBark, as my Laser Pug-O-Vision zones in on a tiny, almost invisible caterpillar in the Far-Away Woods.

Secret SuperAgent uLuL bravely continues to patrol the porch. The Fly Swat then turns That Man Zombie around and goes towards Secret SuperAgent uLuL!! "Shutup!" Fly Swat directs That Man Zombie to say in a fierce zombie voice!!

Super SecretAgent uLuL squats, threatening to unleash her Secret Weapon...A MegaPoop!!! "Curses!" says Fly Swat, voiced by That Man Zombie. Defeated, Fly Swat releases That Man from being a zombie and retires to its hideout, a nail behind That Man's chair, to plot it's next threat against me and Secret SuperAgent uLuL as we continue our mission to keep planet Big Porch a safe and secure place to spend the evening.

Secret SuperAgent uLuL. She doesn't have any SuperPowers like I do, but she has a Secret Weapon.

Me and Secret Agent uLuL jump into the moving chair and survey planet Big Porch. I think I look pretty good in this picture, and humble too. No one would ever suspect that I am MB, SuperPug, with Laser Pug-O-Vision and the Powerful SuperBark!! Secret SuperAgent uLuL contained her Secret Weapon for our next mission.

Mission accomplished.

Thank you for reading my blog.
Sincerely,
Mister Bean

America's Sweetheart

2011-05-19T16:56:00.000-07:00

Me and LuLu spend a lot of time on the Big Porch now. It is warm outside and My MamaFigure and That Man sit on the porch or work in the garden while me and LuLu bark and lick our feet. We talk about the best place to take a nap, the best place to take a poop, our favorite treat (baby carrots), where does My MamaFigure go almost every morning wearing nice shoes and how does That Man make food without dropping it on the kitchen floor.

Most of the time LuLu likes to talk about Being a Famous Aviator. But now she says she is going to put her Famous Aviator plans on hold because she now wants to be something else.

LuLu says she wants to be America's Sweetheart.

I have been wondering why LuLu has been so nice the last few days. That Man says LuLu would have made a great prison matron. So, LuLu has been practicing Being America's Sweetheart so when the America's Sweetheart Contest comes to town she will be ready.

Now when My MamaFigure and That Man ask her if she needs to go pee-pee, she runs to the back door and looks at them with big round eyes and she shows her underbite. She calls it The Look, and she says it is her talent for the America's Sweetheart competition. She says with The Look she should also win the title of Miss Congeniality. My MamaFigure says LuLu is adorable. Also, when our cousin Shorty comes down to check out our poops in the woods behind our house, LuLu no longer barks ferociously at him. Instead, she says "Happy Sniffing" to Shorty and gives him The Look.

Here is a picture of LuLu's The Look. She says her underbite shows her vulnerability and her round eyes express tenderness. She says vulnerability and tenderness are the hallmarks of being America's Sweetheart.

The Look

Last night LuLu messed up her America's Sweetheart practice. She says she didn't have any excuse for her behavior; she says her canine instinct took over.

The old LuLu. Her motto was
"Get outta my way before I knock you into next week!"

My MamaFigure was lying back in her recliner, watching American Idol. Me and LuLu were in her lap, because that is what we were bred to do and That Man won't let us in his new chair, so we always sit with My MamaFigure. LuLu said to please (she says please and thank you now) wake her up if she started snoring, because snoring isn't acceptable behavior for an America's Sweetheart contestant. LuLu started snoring when Scotty began singing She Believes in Me. I was a little bit scared to wake LuLu up! But she got louder and louder!! And I made her a promise!! Finally, I moved my paw to her paw and touched it, hoping LuLu would stop snoring, but LuLu woke up and she went berserk!!!!

Vote LuLu Nelson for America's Sweetheart!!

She started barking and she ran all over My MamaFigure. My MamaFigure couldn't move!!! She didn't know what LuLu was going to do next!! Then, she climbed over My MamaFigure and stood on the top of the recliner with her front paws digging into My MamaFigure's head!! Lauren Alaina was singing I Hope You Dance and My MamaFigure's arms and legs were flailing everywhere and she was yelling "Lulu!! LuLu!!" That Man was eating potato chips (I begged for some, but he didn't pay any attention to me). When he saw My MamaFigure flailing he made a noise and all the chips came out of his mouth in a spray. I jumped off My MamaFigure's lap just in time and caught the chips in mid-air!! I was awesome and it was fun!!!

Finally, My MamaFigure was able to move and she sat up in the recliner. She sat up so fast that it tipped foward and My MamaFigure slid onto the floor. LuLu slid down from the top of the recliner and landed behind My MamaFigure. She says at that moment she realized she wasn't behaving like America's Sweetheart, so when My MamaFigure turned around, LuLu immediately gave her The Look.

LuLu says she will continue her America's Sweetheart practice tomorrow.

My MamaFigure laughed at LuLu. LuLu says this proves that The Look will make her a Force to Be Reckoned With when she enters the America's Sweetheart contest.

Here is a picture of me on the Big Porch. I think I look pretty good in this picture.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

We're just a couple of Countercultural, Anti-Establishment Camping Pugs

2011-04-10T10:53:00.000-07:00

Me and LuLu are excited!!! We are going to go on our first camping trip of 2011!

I am trying to decide who gets to go this time...Dirty Bear, New Squirrel, or the Snowman I got for Christmas. The Blob Boys will never go camping again. They are trouble!!! One of them ran away last camping trip and we found him behind the camper, headed for the woods!!!

Here is a family picture of the Blob Boys. LuLu says their smiles are 'insipid'.

We're really not sure that all of them are boys. Especially the green one. The orange ones are identical twins. The blue one is the one that ran away last year.

The Grandboy and the Grandgirl are going too! YAAAAAAYYYY!!!! The Grandboy sleeps on the top bunk and we pretend it is our hideout!! NO GIRLS ALLOWED!!!!

LuLu can't wait to wear her new shirt. It is a hand-me-down shirt because now that I am a big, muscular pug I can't wear it any more. LuLu likes the shirt very much, even though she doesn't actually like to wear clothes, because it has 1960's graffitti on it. Here is a picture of me and LuLu in her hand-me-down 1960s inspired grafitti shirt.

I think I look pretty good in this picture. LuLu is smiling, see her teeth? She can't wait to wear her shirt, and she doesn't even like to wear clothes!!!!

She says she is going to pretend she is an activist pug from the 60's counterculteral movement. She says to honor the Free Speech Movement of the 60's, she is going to bark during Quiet Time in the campground. Then she says she is going to practice Environmentalism by pooping deep into the woods where trees fall and no one hears them because there's no one there to listen, and she is hoping my MaMaFigure will take her Doors and Pink Floyd CDs and everyone will gather in the campground field for Woodstock II. Sometimes we have movie night when it gets dark and she says maybe we will get to watch Billy Jack movies. She sings "Go ahead and hate your neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend". And then she sings something about one tin soldier riding away. I don't understand anything she's talking about but then she says she wants me to be a flower child with her. I like flowers! I sniff them and then I pee on them. Awesome!

Here is another picture of us. I made it really big so you can see me. I think I look pretty good in this picture too. I just had a bath and I am real buff. When I am not pretending I am the Commander of a Space Pug Guard Unit, I like to pretend I am a Professional Wrestler named Buff'nStuff.

LuLu says she loves the 1960s. I am real happy with 2011, where I can sit in My MamaFigure's lap and watch American Idol and reruns of the Waltons.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

On the Big Porch

2011-04-02T13:50:00.000-07:00

It is spring again and me and LuLu have been spending a lot of time out on the Big Porch. We get to bark at the birds at My MamaFigure's birdfeeders, and the wind blowing and the clouds moving. We like the Big Porch!

When My MamaFigure gets home from work and finishes her chores, sometimes she will sit on the porch swing. She brings her mandolin outside and plays it. Here is a picture of her mandolin.

She says she stinks at playing the mandolin and me and LuLu think she is right. I love My MamaFigure, but I wish she would just play the radio.

She plays Sally Gooden and Rank Stranger. Sally Gooden is supposed to be a happy, fast song. It doesn't sound happy or fast when My MamaFigure plays it.

She says Rank Stranger is an old Appalachian Ballad song. It is real sad, it is about a person who comes home after being gone for a long time and nobody knows who he is! My MamaFigure says all the old Appalachian Ballad songs are sad. She sings Rank Stranger when she plays it on her mandolin and it sounds really sad and it makes me want to howl. Here is a picture of me listening to my MamaFigure.

I think I look pretty good in this picture, even if I am wanting to howl.

Here is a picture of LuLu. She says pugs are not supposed to howl. She says we are yappy little house dogs, bred to adorn the laps of Chinese emperors.

But, I still want to howl. My MamaFigure is coming to the part where she sings "they knew not my name, and I knew not their faces. I found they were all Rank Strangers to me." Here is a picture of me, trying not to howl, concentrating really hard on Dirty Bear, New Squirrel, camping, my favorite place to take a poop, That Man won't let us sit in his new chair, The Grandboy is coming to visit us this afternoon......

Finally, I had to create a diversion so My MamaFigure will stop playing the mandolin badly and singing the sad Appalachian Ballad. So, I run across the Big Porch and start barking. LuLu automatically thinks there is conflict, so she runs across the porch and barks with me.

My diversion worked. My MamaFigure scolded us and told us to stop barking. Our barking ruined her mandolin moment. She put it back in the case and went inside.

That Man says he thinks we are good-looking pugs, but he doesn't understand why Chinese emperors bred us to have curly tails. He says they must have only looked at us from the front.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

The Wind beneath My Wings

2011-02-10T16:21:00.000-08:00

Something fun and exciting has happened!!!

When That Man or my MamaFigure leave us, they always say "Crate up pugs!" and me and LuLu run to the crate. Well, yesterday I heard my MaMaFigure ask That Man, "Do you think they will be okay if we don't put them in the crate while we're gone?" That Man said "We're only going to be gone for 10 or 15 minutes, just shut the bedroom doors and I think they'll be okay."

We have never been left in the house by ourselves unless we are in the crate! Me and LuLu sat on the sofa and we were real good and quiet so they wouldn't change their minds. But, inside we were so excited!! I wanted to pretend I was the Commander of the Space Pug Guard Unit and LuLu kept saying "I know the password!"

Finally, they were ready to leave and we followed them to the back door and heard the truck door shut......

LuLu ran to the front windows and hopped up on the back of the chair and watched them leave. She said my MamaFigure was watching and waving and she looked worried. Here is a picture of LuLu on the
back of the chair.

Just when I was assuming my Commander of the Space Pug Guard Unit identity, LuLu ran to the dining room table! LuLu is a climber and we never know what she's going to climb or how she does it. That Man says LuLu could climb a steel post. He had left the laptop on the dining room table and LuLu said she was going to Google. I told her she'd better do it under the bed so That Man wouldn't see it. She said she was going to search the web for Lockheed P-38 Lightening fighter jets. She says it is a World War II fighter jet. LuLu wants to fly real bad! She found pictures of the airplane she wants and she kept saying stuff like 'vintage' and 'old school'. Some of the airplanes had teeth and mean faces painted on them and they scared me. Here is a picture of LuLu on the dining room chair, Googling.

I never got to pretend I was the Commander of the Space Pug Guard Unit. LuLu said I had to be the Lookout for That Man and my MamaFigure and she made me watch the Home Shopping Network. She said HSN might have a Lockheed P-38 Lightening for sale. She said she would give me a ride in her fighter jet, but I don't want a ride. I want to stay home with my MamaFigure and That Man. Here is a picture of me wishing my MamaFigure and That Man would come home. From now on, when they say they are going somewhere I am running to my crate and crawling in! I can't take this kind of pressure.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,
Mister Bean

Adventures in Camping with Me and LuLu!!

2011-01-26T17:03:00.000-08:00

Me and LuLu have been looking at camping pictures and remi..remeni..thinking about all the awesome camping trips we have been on with My MamaFigure, That Man, The Grandboy and The Grandgirl. I was just a little pup when I went on my first camping trip, and I was really good at it. You can read about it here: http://misterbeanalittlepuginabigworld.blogspot.com/2009/03/pug-in-wild-my-adventures-in-camping_9564.html and here: http://misterbeanalittlepuginabigworld.blogspot.com/2009/03/pug-in-wild-my-adventures-in-camping_22.html and here:

http://misterbeanalittlepuginabigworld.blogspot.com/2009/03/pug-in-wild-my-adventures-in-camping.html

When LuLu came to live with us she didn't know anything about camping and I had to teach her everything! Here is a picture of me and LuLu on her first camping trip. She is attending Mister Bean's School of Camping. The first class was How to Make That Man Nervous During Quiet Time. During Quiet Time everybody in the campground has to be quiet. There is no Loud Talking and No Barking. LuLu's first lesson was to bark and bark and bark and bark and bark until That Man gave us treats to shut us up.

She is really good at making That Man nervous during Quiet Time.

Pretty soon she was almost as good at camping as I am.

She can do this:

Here is a picture of me inside the camper. I think I look pretty good in this picture, like a rugged, lean camping pug.

That Man got a fence for us to stay in while we are camping. It protects all the squirrels, rabbits and possums from us.

The second class in Mister Bean's School of Camping was How to Fill Up the Camper with Lethal Pug Gas When You Want Everyone to Get Up in the Morning. Here is a picture LuLu in a laboratory setting practicing her gas letting.

Here is a good picture of me with The Grandboy. He always sleeps in the top bunk and I like to play Space Alien Camping Pirate Pugs with him. We pretend I have laser telescopic vision.

Here is a picture of Roscoe. We met him during our last Fall Break Camping Trip. LuLu has a crush on him. He has his own Winnebago and someone drives it for him! LuLu says he looks so suave sitting in the window of his Winnebago!

Sometimes LuLu get really tired when we are camping. She is not an early morning pug.

But then we make our plans for the day and she gets happy.

Me and LuLu can't wait until it gets warm and we go camping again!!

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

Today is my Gotcha Day!!!!

2011-01-16T09:56:00.000-08:00

My MamaFigure says January 16th is an important day. She says this is my Gotcha Day! That Man says he doesn't know why it isn't televised.

This is how I came to live with My MamaFigure and That Man:

Two years ago my MamaFigure, who wasn't my MamaFigure right then, wanted a puppy real bad. She looked at puppies everywhere, but she said even though they were all real sweet puppies none of them 'captured her heart'. Then, one morning she woke up and said to That Man "It all came to me last night, it was like it had already happened! We are going to get a pug puppy, a fawn-colored little boy, and his name will be Mister Bean!" That Man said "okay".

My MamaFigure's friend told her where she could get a pug puppy. So, on January 16, 2009, My MamaFigure (who still wasn't My MamaFigure yet), That Man, the Grandboy and the Grandgirl went to another city in Tennessee to get a pug puppy. It was on a Friday and My MamaFigure even stayed home from work to come and get me!

This is where I come in....My MamaFigure saw three pug puppies in a box. One of them was a little girl, and the other two were little boys, and one of those little boys was me. My MamaFigure (she still wasn't My MamaFigure yet) said to That Man "how am I going to choose just one?" And That Man said "let him choose you." So, she picked up the other little boy first, and he squirmed in her arms. He acted like he wanted to be put back in the box! The Grandgirl picked me up first and I looked at My MamaFigure (she was just seconds away from actually being My MamaFigure) and I fell in love with her. I saw the other little boy pug scratching her and trying to get away from her and I knew what I had to do! When My MamaFigure took me from the Grandgirl, I rolled up in a ball under her neck. I didn't squirm at all!! That Man said "it looks like he's chosen you."

The next thing I know I was being carried out to That Man's truck BY MY MAMAFIGURE!!! The Grandboy and the Grandgirl held me in the back seat all the way home.

Here is a picture of me two days after My MamaFigure got me. I was nine weeks old.

My MamaFigure likes to take pictures of me. I always think I look pretty good.

This picture was taken the day My MamaFigure got me. I am riding in the back seat of That Man's truck with the Grandboy and the Grandgirl.

We went to a pet store and I got to go in and everybody made a big fuss over me. I got my own bowls, one for water and one for food, and treats and a collar, and a leash, and two toys!

So, today we are going to celebrate my Gotcha Day! That Man says he doesn't know why WalMart doesn't cash in on this and sell decorations for people's houses.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

Mister Bean's Original Poem "The Awesome Thing That LuLu Did"

2011-01-13T14:58:00.000-08:00

Me and LuLu have decided we like snow! My MamaFigure got to stay home with us for two days!

Then The Grandboy came to our house and played with us! Good times! Then we got to lay in That Man's recliner with him and take long naps.

The snow is still on the ground and it is very cold outside, so My MamaFigure and That Man rush us when we have to make our pees and poops. Then, LuLu did something awesome! It was so awesome that I had to write a poem about it!

It is called

"The Awesome Thing that LuLu Did"

by Mister Bean

The flakes fell all night, it was white all 'round,

and the next day we found that we were snowbound.

So smooth and pure was the ground that day,

and the trees were filled with color of cardinal and jay.

My MamaFigure, in awe, laid down this decree

"Do your business in the back and let the front yard be."

But, LuLu, undaunted, and with urge uncontrolled,

dragged That Man to the front yard, where she squatted to go.

From the porch that evening, as My MamaFigure gazed

upon white glass-like snow and the icy cold glaze

her brow she did furrow, and her eyes she did squint

at a small dark object in the snow's shiny glint.

In an expanse of pure white, and under color of bird

placed there in rebellion: LuLu's tiny turd.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

Here is a picture of the front yard.

Pugs in the Snow

2011-01-11T12:51:00.000-08:00

My MamaFigure has been home all week with me and LuLu and That Man. It snowed a lot and she can't go to work. We like for her to be home. She gives us treats and we don't even have to do anything but hang around her!

My MamaFigure usually stays busy, but she watched a TV show about dogs that pull sleds in the snow! They race to see which dogs can get somewhere first! I don't know where they are going, but I'll bet they get a good treat when they get there.

Here is a picture of me watching the sled dogs with my MamaFigure.

All of the sled pulling dogs look like wild dogs! And they kept barking and barking, and they made me bark too! Then LuLu started barking and she wasn't even watching them! The person riding the sled kept saying "Mush! Mush!" All of the dog's names must be Mush! Every time he said Mush, they ran faster! That's when I got an idea! Me and LuLu could be the first sled pulling pugs !

So, they next time My MamaFigure took me out to pee and poop, I acted like I was a sled pulling dog. I took off running across the back yard before she got off the steps. She said "Mister Bean! Mister Bean!" and I ran even faster, just like the dogs named Mush! .

Here is a picture of me. This is what you will see when I'm the Leader of the Pack. I think I look pretty good in this picture.

Then, it was LuLu's turn to pee and poop and practice pulling a sled. LuLu is my best friend in the whole world, but I don't know if she will make the team. Her legs are short and she even struggled to make a pee and a poop in the deep snow. Here is a picture of her.

Later, My MamaFigure asked us if we wanted to play on the Big Porch. She made the big mistake of saying "you need to wear your Snuggies" and LuLu ran under the dining room table. LuLu doesn't like to wear clothes or take baths.

I ran out the door before My MamaFigure could get the Snuggies from the piano bench. None of the dogs named Mush wear Snuggies. When LuLu saw me on the Big Porch, Snuggie-less, she finally wanted to come out too, so That Man opened the door for her. I practiced sled pulling on the Big Porch while My MamaFigure filled her birdfeeders. I don't think LuLu is serious about being a sled pulling pug, like I am. She stayed on the Little Porch where there was no snow.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

It's Christmas Eve!!!

2010-12-24T13:04:00.000-08:00

Me and LuLu have been helping My MamaFigure all day! It is Christmas Eve and she has been making food. My MamaFigure is real messy in the kitchen and she drops a lot of food on the floor. We lick it up. That Man calls us Hoover and Eureka. We like to help!

My MamaFigure says Santa Claus will be coming tonight! YAAAAYYY!! I have been good. I have not pooped or peed on the floor, but I am a little worried because I jump on visitors when they come to our house. LuLu is very worried because she pooped in the house once and she wanted to bite a man who came to our house. He wanted to sell That Man a security system. LuLu said we don't need a security system as long as she lives here.

I am going to sleep early tonight, but LuLu says she wants to see Santa's reindeer. LuLu wants to fly real bad. She says if she can jump in the sleigh, she is going with Santa and next year she will be the first pug to pull Santa's sleigh. She knows all about Santa's reindeer. She says next year the lineup will be Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and LuLu. She says one day she will have a cartoon and song about her. Here is a picture of her sitting on the back of her favorite chair, looking out the window at the Christmas lights.

We went out on the Big Porch for a little while today. My MamaFigure wanted to take our picture beside her big Snoopy decoration, but we wouldn't cooperate. It's big and it sounds like it's breathing and it scares me.

Here is a good picture of me. I hope Santa brings me a new squeaker toy. None of my squeaker toys squeak any more. I bite them, but the squeakers won't squeak, they just make a popping sound.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

LuLu is Wrecking Christmas

2010-12-11T08:13:00.000-08:00

It's Christmastime again!!! YAAAAAYYYY!! Me and LuLu like Christmas! It is a fun and exciting time of year! We get to sample the Christmas cookies My MamaFigure makes! We like Rice Krispie treats the best. They are That Man's favorite too!

This year we are looking forward to watching My MamaFigure turn into a chicken with it's head cut off. That Man says it should happen any day!

My stocking is hanging up in the library. I know I'll get a new toy and a special treat. My MamaFigure says LuLu is going to get a lump of coal in her stocking, because she is slowly and methodically wrecking Christmas. LuLu says she is not slow and methodical at all, instead she is acting very quickly upon uncontrollable whims.

Here is a picture of me underneath the tree in the library. You can see the look of concern on my face; this is where it all began......
My MamaFigure bought a tree skirt after Christmas last year. She said it was a bargain! She says it goes perfectly with the library tree and it was 80% off the normal retail price! She was very excited to use it for the first time this year! Me and LuLu were in the library with her while she smoothed the skirt underneath the tree and began hanging the ornaments. Then, LuLu ran out of the room!!! She ran so fast that when she ran off the rug onto the wooden floor she couldn't get any traction! I thought it looked like fun, so I tried it too!! We were both running and running and not getting anywhere! Finally, LuLu broke free and ran into the living room where That Man was watching TV. He yelled to My MamaFigure "she's got something in her mouth!" Well, they chased LuLu around the living room, but they couldn't catch her. Finally My MamaFigure went back to the library and this is what she found:
LuLu had pulled the eye off the elf!!! She was also trying to pull the eye off the mouse! That Man told My MamaFigure not to worry, the eye would make re-entry in a day or so.

My MamaFigure says she will buy another eye.

My MamaFigure likes Peanuts!!! She always puts up her Peanuts display where The Grandboy and The Grandgirl can play with it. Me and LuLu like Peanuts too! One day, while My MamaFigure was in her sewing room and That Man was watching TV, LuLu decided she wanted to "become a part of the tableaux". LuLu speaks French, and I don't understand French, but I think she meant she wanted to walk around in the middle of My MamaFigure's Peanuts display. Here is a picture of what That Man calls "LuLu's Carnage".

My MamaFigure says Linus was the only one to escape LuLu's Carnage, which is befitting since he is the one who realized what Christmas is all about.

That Man and My MamaFigure get Christmas cards from their family and friends. Their good friends, Roger and Katrina, sent me and LuLu a card this year!!! Our names were actually on the envelope!! We never get mail and we were excited!! My MamaFigure hung it up with all the other cards. It made us proud! Well, this morning while My MamaFigure was making up the bed and That Man was outside riding his lawnmower, our card fell on the floor. When I saw what LuLu was doing, I ran into the bedroom with my MamaFigure. I didn't want her to think I was a party to LuLu's "slow and methodical" plan to wreck Christmas. Here is a picture of the card.

My MamaFigure says she might be able to tape it back together as soon as the wet pieces she found lying on the dining room floor are dry. There are missing pieces too, but That Man says they are traveling through LuLu's digestive tract. He is real mad at LuLu. He called her a bad name.

Here is a picture of LuLu under the library tree. She says the red walls in the library and the excitement of Christmas made her act out and before she knew it, she had bit the eye off the elf. And she said she really didn't mean to knock the Peanuts display over, she just wanted to be a part of it and see what was in Snoopy's doghouse. She doesn't have any explanation for chewing our Christmas card. She said, "it was just lying there and I like paper."

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerly,

Mister Bean

It's Deja Vue All Over Again!!!!

2010-10-31T10:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday started out like any other day, me and LuLu woke up, and then we woke up My MamaFigure and That Man. We went outside to pee and poop, ate breakfast and settled down for a nap. Later that morning, we had to stay in The Hole for a little while. My MamaFigure said that she and That Man had to go make 'Halloween preparations'. We looked out the big window at the leaves falling and we took another nap.

We were suddenly awakened by My MamaFigure!! She let us out of The Hole and said she had surprises for us!!! I was hoping for a Space Pug movie and LuLu was hoping for a Doors CD. But, instead My MamaFigure pulled clothes out of a bag!!! LuLu ran and hid under the bed. When LuLu was finally tricked into coming out, My MamaFigure put the clothes on us, all the while telling That Man how cute we would look. We went outside to the Big Porch, in our new clothes, and all these things started coming to our house!! An elephant and a rock star and his bodyguards came to our house, while me and LuLu wondered what was going on!! Here is a picture of me and LuLu in our new clothes:

Then, LuLu said she just had a deja vu moment. I said, "Well, don't worry about it, My MamaFigure will clean it up before That Man sees it." LuLu said, "No, deja vu is a French word and it means a feeling you have done something , or been somewhere before." LuLu knows all about stuff like that, she also knows about conspiracy theories and secret codes. Then, I had a deja vu moment too!!!! I was excited!!! Deja vu is my new favorite word and I'm going to say it all the time!!! I deja-vued about the other time Leaves Fell on the Big Porch, and me and LuLu wore clothes while My MamaFigure gave candy to strange things that came to our house. Suddenly, LuLu said, "Bean!!! You look like a Space Pug!" We have never actually seen a Space Pug, but LuLu is always right about that kind of thing, so I believe her. And then I looked at her and I said, "LuLu! You are a pink flying pig!!!" This made LuLu very happy!! My MamaFigure says "when pigs fly" all the time and you know LuLu!! She has always wanted to fly!!!

Here is a picture of me in my Space Pug uniform. Space Pugs are blue and shiny! Awesome!! I told LuLu that Space Pugs are shiny so they can see each other while they are in space!! And Space Pugs have four eyeballs on sticks!! They can see in front, behind and to each side while they operate their Pugships!! I tried to look out of the eyeballs into space, hoping to see shiny Space Pugs, but I couldn't get them to work. LuLu checked to see if there was a place for batteries, but she couldn't find a battery hole anywhere. She said to shake my head and maybe it would activate the eyeballs, so I kept shaking my head while My MamaFigure gave candy to a pumpkin with legs and a hobo man.

Here is a picture of LuLu with her Flying Pigs Clothes. LuLu said her wings were gossamer, almost ethereal. She said she was ecstatic!! I told her they were real pretty and glittery. She stood on the edge of That Man's porch chair while he helped my MamaFigure give candy to two cheerleaders. She jumped off the chair and landed on the porch floor. But, LuLu doesn't give up easily!! She hopped back up on That Man's chair and said to me "I think I have to say 'WHEN PIGS FLY!!' as I jump." She tried,but landed on the porch floor again.

I kept shaking my head, hoping to activate my eyeballs, and LuLu kept jumping off the chair saying 'WHEN PIGS FLY!!!', but I never saw one single shiny Space Pug with my four eyeballs on sticks and LuLu never flew with her gossamer, almost ethereal wings.

Then both of us had a deja vu moment again. We deja-vued more about the other time Leaves Fell on the Big Porch and My MamaFigure and That Man gave candy to strange things that came to our house. Here is a picture of us.

Both of us deja-vued that our clothes didn't work that time either. We deja-vued how disappointed we were that LuLu's pink wings didn't fly and my antenna didn't pick up a space pug signal. We wondered why My MamaFigure didn't deja vu all this, and why she had been flim-flammed again into buying defective clothes.

Finally all the strange things stopped coming to our house to get candy from My MamaFigure and That Man. We went inside, our usually curly tails straight with disappoinment. But, then I got happy again, because I deja-vued how good I looked the last time Leaves Fell on the Big Porch, and I look good this time too. Even though my clothes are always defective, I always think I look pretty good. Here is a picture of me.

I think I look like a Commander for the Space Pug Guard. But, LuLu looked like a mess, with her gossamer, almost ethereal wings all askew and dirty from jumping off That Man's chair. I deja-vued how she looked like a mess the last time too. But, I didn't say anything to her, because all the frustrated flyer in LuLu bit the pink pigs's curly tail when My MamaFigure took it off her. We went to sleep that night, hoping that the next time Leaves Fall on the Big Porch My MamaFigure will deja vu and get clothes that will allow me to contact Space Pugs and make LuLu fly.

Thank you for reading my blog.
Sincerely,
Mister Bean

Another Charlotte's Web

2010-08-30T18:28:00.000-07:00

This summer has been hot, fun and exciting!! Me and LuLu have spent a lot of time indoors, licking our feet and playing with the Blob Boys, Dirty Bear and New Squirrel. And we found Skunky under a chair!! My MamaFigure almost sucked him up in the vacuum cleaner! I am afraid of the vacuum cleaner. I bark and run when my MamaFigure uses it and she says she has to use it all the time because me and LuLu shed 24/7/365. That Man says the vacuum cleaner contains an entire pug. That is why I am afraid of it. Me and LuLu listen to the vacuum cleaner, trying to hear the trapped pug inside.

My MamaFigure, That Man, the Grandboy and the Grandgirl have been studying a spider all summer. My MamaFigure says it is a writing spider. Our writing spider made a web in the hydrandgea bush and she decorates it with X's and Z's. Here is a picture of her.

We named her Another Charlotte. One of my MamaFigure's favorite books is Charlotte's Web and she says the spider in the story is the same kind of spider as Another Charlotte. She says the story about Charlotte and Wilbur makes her cry. That Man says she will cry some more if Another Charlotte decides to move in the house.

That Man, The Grandboy and The Grandgirl like Charlotte's Web too and they said Charlotte saved Wilbur's life by writing messages in her web. So me and LuLu started respecting Another Charlotte's space!! I don't lift my leg on the hydrangea bush anymore, and LuLu stopped circling, circling, circling and squatting underneath it.

We are hoping Another Charlotte will write "Give Mister Bean Anything He Wants To Eat Even After He Eats Too Much And Throws Everything Up". LuLu wants her to write "We Promise And Cross Our Hearts To Never Make LuLu Take Another Bath Or Wear Clothes Anymore Forever Amen".

Here is a good picture of me standing by the hydrangea bush, totally being respectful of Another Charlotte. I think I look real good in this picture, like a brave guard dog. My MamaFigure says I look real handsome. That Man says I look like a piece of concrete statuary.

Here is a picture of LuLu. She doesn't look directly into the camera for fear that the Feds will recognize her.

So far Another Charlotte hasn't acknowledged us. That Man says Another Charlotte has used up a lot of her energy making this thing.

It is Another Charlotte's egg sack and That Man says it is full of spider eggs. Since Another Charlotte doesn't have a lot of energy left LuLu suggested we combine our messages into one short message.

More Food No Baths 4 Pugs.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

It's Been a Long Winter, We Help My MaMaFigure and LuLu's Hiney

2010-03-16T14:49:00.000-07:00

Hi everybody!!! Mister Bean here with an exciting new blog! It has been a long winter and we have mostly been holed up in our house because our MaMaFigure says it is too cold for us to be outside, except when we pee and poop. We haven't even played on the Big Porch.

My MaMaFigure doesn't like winter. She says the lack of sunshine makes her sad, so me and LuLu try to cheer her up by running and barking and playing and barking and chewing on stuff and barking. Once LuLu even pooped on the floor and it looked like a replica of Stonehenge. She said she was trying to make her poops look like historical places for My MaMaFigure because my MaMaFigure says she needs to get away. LuLu got in a lot of trouble, even though My MaMaFigure was impressed with LuLu's Stonehenge. She says the circumference was perfect. LuLu was planning more historical poops, like Monticello, the Great Pyramid, the Eiffel Tower, and the Hoover Dam. She said the Hoover Dam would have been her tour de force historical poop as it is considered one of mankind's greatest engineering feats . But she didn't want to spend her time hiding under the bed, awaiting punishment.

We have also been helping my MaMaFigure in her sewing room. She has been making quilts all winter. We stay in the sewing room with her while she sews. We nap for a little while, then we wake up and bark, we see little scraps of fabric in the floor and we grab them and chew on them until My MaMaFigure sees us and chases us through the house to take them away from us. We figure we are helping her get her exercise. Then when she sits back down at her sewing machine we claw at her until she picks us up and holds us for a little while. We say we are doing it to give My MaMaFigure a break, but we really just like the attention. Here is a picture of one of the quilts we helped My MamaFigure with. We really like the red fabric; it was very chewable.

It snowed a lot this winter! YAAAAY! My MaMaFigure let us go out to play in it for a little while. Me and LuLu pushed our little flat faces in the snow and flung it over our heads!!! Here is a picture of our bathroom in the snow. Those people are our cousins. We barked at them.

Two weeks ago LuLu started sitting on her bottom and spinning around and around. This was right after she made her notorious Stonehenge Historical Poop. I thought it looked like so much fun!!! I tried to do it, but I have long legs and I got tangled up and fell over. LuLu kept spinning around and scooting on her bottom. Then she started gnawing at her tail and scratching at her bottom so much that it kept That Man and My MaMaFigure awake at night. So, That Man called the doctor and LuLu has to go see the veterinarian tomorrow. We are not sure what is going on, but we heard My MaMaFigure and That Man talking and LuLu is going to have a part of her hiney "expressed". That Man found instructions on how to "express" the stopped up hiney-part that is bothering LuLu, but he and My MaMaFigure read it and and decided this was a job best left to a professional hiney expressor. My MaMaFigure says it is a very personal invasive procedure.

Here is a picture of LuLu. She looks a little worried because she doesn't want her hiney to be expressed. I feel sorry for the person who has to express LuLu's stopped up hiney part.

I will let you know how LuLu's invasive procedure goes. In the meantime, say a little prayer for the person who will be responsible for unstopping LuLu's stopped up hiney part.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

Happy New Year! (Whatever that is.)

2010-01-13T17:36:00.000-08:00

Me and LuLu were just figuring out Christmas when all of a sudden...it was over! My MaMaFigure says that's the way Christmas is, you spend weeks getting ready for it and then poof! it's over! Me and LuLu got new toys in our stockings. LuLu got a butterfly. When she pulled it out of her stocking she got real excited and she took it under the dining room table. She says to me finally! A flying speciman! She says she is going to study the butterfly's aerodynamics and figure out how it flies. I could hear her under the table while everyone else was opening presents. She was saying stuff like E equals M C square and the theory of relativity and stuff about thrust and propulsion. LuLu wants to fly really bad. Then I heard her say something about pie and I thought I might like flying too if there is a chance I would get some pie. She told me the pie was square root pie and I wasn't interested anymore because I like chicken pie and fruit pie. I got a turtle!! The squeaker is under his shell! Here is a picture of me squeaking the squeaker in my new turtle. LuLu says I might be able to use the squeaker to communicate with with space pugs! I was hoping to chew the shiny ball off of LuLu's pink stocking, but My MaMaFigure took it away from me just as I was getting my first chew. Here is a picture of LuLu under the Christmas tree. She looks real sweet, doesn't she? We each got a box of dog biscuits for Christmas. I opened my box one night when My MaMaFigure was busy doing stuff in her sewing room. It was fun, until My MaMaFigure figured out what I was doing and stopped me. Remember the bird tree I told you about? The one that My MaMaFigure put in the living room with all the birds and berries and birdhouses on it? One night this bird jumped off the tree and tried to peck my eye out. I was defending myself when That Man found me with the bird in my mouth. Here is a picture of me trying to explain to That Man and My MaMaFigure that this bird is violent and has a bad attitude and it would be dangerous for us to keep it and if they would give it back to me I will make sure it doesn't bother anybody else. My MaMaFigure made us wear necklaces and bracelets with bells on them and then she took our picture. I was scared. When My MaMaFigure put them on me I didn't move for a long time. I just stood there and finally That Man asked My MaMaFigure what was wrong with me. Here is a picture of me being scared and not moving. Here is a picture of LuLu. She says the noise of the bells interfered with her stealth manuvers. LuLu doesn't like to wear clothes or take baths. A few days after Christmas My MaMafigure and That Man stayed up a long time. Me and LuLu were sleepy and wanted to go to bed, but My MaMaFigure said she was going to watch the ball drop. Me and LuLu didn't know what she was talking about and we didn't really care, we were sleepy and laid down on the sofa by My MaMaFigure. Then, all of a sudden, That Man yelled Happy New Year! Then My MaMaFigure yelled Happy New Year!! Me and LuLu woke up real fast and we jumped off the sofa and started running and barking!! That Man and My MaMaFigure were clapping their hands and yelling Happy New Year and laughing! We ran and barked and when we would stop they would clap and yell again and we would run and bark again. We didn't even know why we were running or what we were barking about! Then That Man yelled Lock and Load! and we barked and ran again! Then My MaMaFigure yelled Eat More Chicken! and we barked and ran again! Then That Man yelled See Rock City! and we barked and ran some more! They were laughing and laughing and we were running and barking. Finally, they stopped and we stopped and we went to bed. My MaMaFigure says it is not just a New Year, but a New Decade, but it's all the same to me and LuLu. All we want to do is play, eat, pee, poop, take naps and dream about flying and talking to space pugs.

Mem'ries, Like the Corners of my Mind....

2009-12-15T14:43:00.000-08:00

LuLu came to live with us when she was a year old. It took her a few days to get used to us, but she is my best friend now. She is real happy living with me, My MaMaFigure and That Man. She is real clever too, and thinks up all kinds of games for us to play.

But sometimes, LuLu gets what My MaMaFigure calls "a moment of melancholia". That means she gets real sad. It only happens when My MaMaFigure plays the piano. When My MaMaFigure sits down to play, LuLu climbs on the back of the chair behind the piano and lays over the edge. It doesn't matter what My MaMaFigure plays..... Turkey in the Straw, The Blue Danube, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing....LuLu climbs to the top of the chair and slumps over the back. When the song is over LuLu raises her head and looks at My MaMaFigure. That Man always says "Play it again Sam" and My MaMaFigure launches into Hark the Herald Angels Sing or This Land is Your Land or Beethoven's Ode to Joy and LuLu falls over the chair again. That Man says LuLu looks like she needs a cigarette. When My MaMaFigure gets up from the piano, LuLu is ready to play Blob Boys, New Squirrel or Chase with me again.

The picture above was taken when LuLu was listening to My MaMaFigure play the Theme from the Flintstones. My MaMaFigure says LuLu is a woman with a past.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

2009-12-13T14:40:00.000-08:00

Me and LuLu are wondering what is going on with My MamaFigure. She has taken away the scary scarecrows and put trees in our house! I am happy that the scarecrows are gone, because I didn't like the way their eyes followed me around the room, but me and LuLu can't figure out why we have trees in our house. Here is a picture of me standing in front of the one in the library. Me and LuLu helped My MaMaFigure with it. While she was putting all those shiny things on it, I was chewing on a low limb and found a string and pulled on it. You can see it by my ear in the picture. I think it makes the tree look real good.

When all the shiny things were on the tree, My MaMaFigure put a piece of cloth underneath it. Me and LuLu commenced to playing on it. We wadded it up and rolled on it and chewed it, so My MaMaFigure folded it up and put it away.

Here is picture of LuLu under the tree in the living room. We like this tree the best because My MaMaFigure has all kinds of birds on it!!! They are the same kind of birds that eat at the birdfeeder outside. Me and LuLu like to bark at them when we are on the Big Porch. The birds on the tree don't chirp or fight over food! They don't even fly away when we bark at them!!!

One day I was walking beside the tree minding my own business and a bird just fell off in the floor in front of me! I was chewing on it when That Man walked in the room. I got in a little bit of trouble.

My MaMaFigure picked these out for me and LuLu. She says they are stockings and one morning we will wake up to find presents in them. I hope I get a new toy in my stocking. One that will get along good with New Squirrel, Dirty Bear, Skunky and the Blob Boys. LuLu wants a CD player and a Jimmy Hendrix CD.

I like my stocking! It says "I don't have to be Good...I'm Cute." I really am. LuLu says her stocking is pretty, but she says she prefers a more classical stocking shape and she feels the pink and black color combination is a bit pretentious for her taste. I hope she will let me chew the shiny ball off the toe.

Here is a picture of The Grandboy and The Grandgirl!! YAAAAY!! They are two of my most favorite people!! They always decorate a tree in My MaMaFigure's bedroom. It has lots of stuff on it that their Daddy made when he was a little boy and stuff they made for My MaMaFigure and That Man.

They are going to spend the night soon and make cookies with My MaMaFigure and That Man. Me and LuLu are real excited about cookie night because My MaMaFigure is messy in the kitchen and drops food on the floor when she cooks. LuLu thought of a plan. She says she will nonchalantly hang out in the laundry room beside the kitchen and alert me when My MaMaFigure drops something. I am to pretend I am taking a nap in the library on the other side of the house.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

A Night We'll Never Forget, if it Really Happened

2009-11-19T16:38:00.000-08:00

Three weeks ago My MaMaFigure dressed me and LuLu in these clothes. She had to drag LuLu out from under the dining room table to put hers on. Then we spent the evening out on the Big Porch, dressed in our clothes, and me and LuLu still don't know why our MaMaFigure made us wear them! LuLu said the whole evening was 'surreal', but I say it was almost like it didn't happen, but it did!

Then LuLu noticed that her clothes had wings and she got real excited! LuLu has always wanted to fly and she said she was going to jump off the chair and get some 'sweet air'. So she kept jumping and jumping, but she couldn't make her wings flap. Here is a picture of LuLu, ready for another take-off.

Then I noticed that my clothes had antennas. I got real excited because I want to talk to space pugs. I kept shaking my head back and forth, but I couldn't make them work. Here is a picture of me. LuLu even adjusted one of the antenna for me, so I could pick up a signal. But I never did.

While LuLu was trying to get some sweet air and I was trying to arrange a close encounter, My MaMaFigure and That Man gave candy to SpongeBob Squarepants, a skeleton, a softball player, a hippie girl, and lots of other strange things. Me and LuLu didn't know where they were coming from!

A cow was the last one to get candy and by that time we knew that we weren't going to fly or talk to space pugs. The foofy part of LuLu's dress was torn and dragging behind her and My MaMaFigure had to put one of the yellow balls back on my antenna. LuLu said My MaMaFigure had been flim-flammed into buying defective clothes. We kinda felt sorry for her, since she got flim-flammed and all, so we didn't say anything, but you can see our disappointment in the picture. LuLu looked like a mess, with her torn dress and her little star bonnet was all bent. Even though my antenna didn't work and I didn't get to talk to a space pug, I still think I look pretty good.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

APB on LuLu!!!

2009-11-12T15:23:00.000-08:00

This afternoon LuLu went missing and we couldn't find her anywhere! My MamaFigure and That Man and I looked all over the house for her. We could hear her whimpering, but it sounded like she was trapped in the wall! Like she had entered a portal to another dimension, a place where we could hear her, but we couldn't see her anywhere! Wow! I can't believe I just wrote that!!! I don't even know what it means!! All of us were running around the house looking for her. That Man looked everywhere, even outside. My MamaFigure looked in closets and the cabinets, and I was barking and running around the house with them. My MamaFigure would call "LuLu! LuLu!" and we would hear LuLu whimpering again! I didn't think this was fun and exciting at all. I thought it was scary and dangerous! Then I remembered a story I heard about a dog named Lassie and I knew what we needed was a hero, so I thought "what did Lassie do when Little Timmy fell down the well?" So, the next time LuLu whimpered I listened very carefully, just like Lassie would. My MaMaFigure and That Man were running around everywhere, but I followed LuLu's whimpering and I found her!!! She was trapped behind the Woolite for Darks laundry soap and Clorox bleach in the laundry room!!!

My MaMaFigure had picked up the soap to use it and while she was pouring it LuLu had walked under the shelves and when My MaMaFigure put the bottle back down she didn't see LuLu!!

Here is a picture of LuLu trapped behind the Woolite for Darks bottle! It is an instant replay, because just as soon as I found her My MaMaFigure picked her up and hugged her. That Man said LuLu almost caused him to have a heart attack! And here is a picture of the Woolite for Darks bottle. You can see how big and intimidating it is compared to LuLu.

Here is a picture of me and LuLu taken after I rescued her. She was all like "thank you Bean (she doesn't call me Mister)" and I was all like "that's okay kid". I think heroes should always be humble.

I think it would be fun and exciting to have my own TV show, just like Lassie. My MaMaFigure has been whistling the Lassie song for me and I'm practicing sitting still and looking into the camera and holding one of my front paws up, like Lassie did and I think I look pretty good.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

We're Off Again!!!

2009-10-17T12:03:00.001-07:00

Today My MamaFigure says to me "Mister Bean! You have been a slacker this summer! You need to do some blogging so people will know what you've been doing!" Well, me and LuLu have been playing on the Big Porch and swinging on the swing with My MaMaFigure, and That Man takes us out every day for a walk. We have been real busy today getting ready to go on our Annual Fall Break Camping Trip. Me and LuLu have never been on the Fall Break Camping Trip, but we like camping, so we know it will be fun and exciting! Our MamaFigure gave us a bath, she says a clean dog is a happy dog. LuLu just rolls her eyes behind our MamaFigure's back and runs to hide under the table. I go right to the bathtub. I like baths!! Here is a picture of us after our bath. LuLu thinks she is getting a little porky since she 'got fixed', so she didn't want to look directly in the camera. My eyes turned blue in the picture and My MaMaFigure fixed one of them with the edit thingie, but the other one wouldn't fix. I think I look waaaay cool, like a space alien pirate pug!! We always take toys with us when we go camping and this time we are taking Tug-of-War Rope, Skunky and the Blob Boys with us. I hope the Blob Boys stay out of trouble!! Sometimes they like to run off and hide! And you don't find them until you take the cushion off the chair and there they are, smiling up at you. I hope they don't run off while we are camping. Sometimes My MaMaFigure and That Man says to me "Mister Bean! Squeak the squeaker!"and I run through the house to find one of the Blob Boys, because their squeaker is easy to squeak! I will be back next week to let you know more about our fun and exciting Fall Break Camping Trip and if the Blob Boys made it back home! Thank you for reading my blog. Sincerely, Mister Bean

This Week Will Be Fun and Exciting!

2009-08-02T16:23:00.000-07:00

Me and LuLu had to spend the afternoon in The Hole today while My MamaFigure and That Man went to buy a whole lot of food for our Annual Back-to-School Camping Trip. We are going to take The Grandboy and The Grandgirl camping so we can play before they go back to school. I am going to wear my muscle shirt when we go for walks in the campground. I think it makes me look real tough, like I'm the leader of a pug gang. Here is a picture of me in my muscle shirt. Here is another picture of me looking tough, yet cute. My muscle shirt even has a pocket on it! That Man says it's to carry my smokes. I think all the other camping dogs will be respecting me when they see me in my muscle shirt. (That is not a fat roll around my neck. It's just the light.) LuLu is going to wear her new green and pink flamingo dress. It even has her name on it. LuLu hid under the table when My MamaFigure tried to put it on her! She doesn't like to wear clothes or take baths. Here is a picture of LuLu in her new dress. She is all like this is too frilly, it's too poofy, it makes my butt look too big. We think LuLu looks real pretty, but she says she can't be bothered. She says she wants a black motorcycle jacket. We are looking forward to the Annual Back-to-School Camping Trip. I will have pictures and and will tell you all about our adventures next week. We know the trip will be fun and exciting!! Thank you for reading my blog. Sincerely, Mister Bean

Aunt JuJu's Baby and Pug Prison

2009-07-26T10:48:00.000-07:00

There have been lots of fun and exciting things happening here at Casa de Beano!! First, and best, my Aunt JuJu and Uncle Fred finally had a baby. She is a little girl and this is a picture of her with my MamaFigure. Me and LuLu haven't actually seen her yet. We shed and bark.

Camping is one of the best things me and LuLu like to do. We get to spend lots of time with the four people we love most, our MamaFigure, That Man, the Grandgirl and the Grandboy. But, we have to be hooked up to a leash because of The Law. My MamaFigure says if it wasn't for The Law, all the dogs in the campground would get together and it would be the dog version of Woodstock. But, she and That Man felt sorry for us being on a leash all the time we were outside, so they found this pet fence on the internet and ordered it for me and LuLu. It came yesterday. Me and LuLu call it Pug Prison behind my MamaFigure's back. Here is a picture of me looking at it. Notice I am OUTSIDE looking at it. My MamaFigure is INSIDE Pug Prison trying to get me and LuLu to come inside. LuLu ran around and around the outside of it really fast! She was smokin' fast!!! My MamaFigure was all like, "Come on in Mister Bean! It's fun in here!" But, it didn't look like all that much fun to me.

She tried hard to get me to come inside, but I wouldn't. "Come on inside, little buddy! You'll like it in here!" She used her sweet voice, but I didn't just fall off the puppy truck yesterday. I wouldn't get inside and LuLu kept running around and around the outside of it really, really fast. It got late, the sun went down, and we had to go in to bed and leave Pug Prison on the porch. I had the best dream that someone stole Pug Prison off the porch while we were sleeping.

SUNDAY--- The Grandboy and The Grandgirl came to see us today. Yaaaaaay!!! They ate applesauce and asked me if I wanted to lick the bowls. YAAAAY!!! Before I realized what happened to me, I was inside Pug Prison! LuLu stopped circling, because she wanted to play with the empty applesauce bowl. So, she stepped in too!!

The next thing I know my MamaFigure is closing the door to Pug Prison. There is nothing like the sound of two metal doors banging shut. My MamaFigure says it is just perfect for camping and we will try it out next week when we go for our Annual Back-to-School Camping Trip.

LuLu likes it. She says she is going to run around the inside of Pug Prison until she makes a path. I am going to dig a tunnel and escape.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

I'm Back and We Went Camping Last Week!

2009-07-19T13:05:00.001-07:00

Hi everybody!! Mister Bean here with my Comeback Blog!! I am finally over the trauma of 'getting fixed'. Here's a big Bark-Out to Red Bank Animal Hospital for saving my life!!

LuLu and I have had a fun and exciting summer. LuLu went on her first camping trip last week. She has really changed a lot since she 'got fixed'. She thinks she can fly and she likes to dumpster dive in the bathroom garbage. And she wants to play all the time now!! I like LuLu!! All my toys run away, but LuLu is always there for me to play with. But, I still don't think my MamaFigure needs to pet her or show her any affection or anything like that, so everytime I see her close to my MamaFigure I head-butt LuLu and she flies off to the other side of the room. Here is a picture of me sitting at the camper with That Man. See my crate? Me and LuLu had to stay in it sometimes during the day, but we got to sleep with The Grandgirl and My MaMaFigure at night.

We found out something else about LuLu when we went camping. She acts ghetto when she is around other dogs. There are a lot of dogs at the campground, walking around with their people and LuLu wants to fight them all. A black pug came to visit with us. She and I sniffed butts and became friends, but LuLu snarled and growled and was all like "this is my campsite, you're breathing my air". She would even bark at them from inside the camper! Here is a picture of me, wishing LuLu would stop acting ghetto, while she barks at innocent dogs walking by our campsite. Here is a picture of The Grandboy. He is one of my bestest pals in the whole world and I love him. He found a big leaf. LuLu is in the background, sniffing. The campground is full of strange dog smells and we can't hardly concentrate on making a pee or a poop for smelling all those smells.

Here is a picture of The Grandgirl. I love her too, she is another one of my bestest pals in the whole world. LuLu is having a Zen Moment, when she is all at peace with the world. It didn't last very long. As soon as the next dog passed our camper, she became Ghetto Pug again.

We had a real good time, and I hope That Man and our MamaFigure take us camping again real soon.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

This is Not a Fun and Exciting Blog!

2009-05-17T15:43:00.000-07:00

All I have heard for the past 4 weeks is "it's time to have them fixed", "it's time to have them fixed". Me and LuLu didn't know what they were talking about and we didn't care. We were busy riding the porch swing and walking out in the yard and barking at birds at the birdfeeder. Finally, the day came. Last Thursday morning, My MaMaFigure and That Man put us in our car boxes and My MaMaFigure drove us to a place called Wally's Friends to have us "fixed". LuLu barked and barked and made freakish noises the whole way down there and she made me bark too! When we got there My MaMaFigure called That Man and told him it had been a nightmarish ride. She told us she would be back to get us Friday morning. She didn't look very happy. Sure enough, she was back again Friday morning to get us!! I was so happy to see her I jumped into her arms and peed all over her. She said she didn't even care! The Doctor Who Fixed Us was right behind the woman who was carrying me to My MaMaFigure and he was carrying LuLu. Everybody in the room said, "Aw, two of them! They are so cute!" My MaMaFigure and the Doctor Who Fixed Us carried us to the car and put us in our car boxes. This time, LuLu was very quiet. But, I barked and barked and barked and barked and barked and barked all the way home. LuLu stayed in her house all day and was really, really quiet. I wanted to be with My MaMaFigure and The Grandboy out on the porch. I felt pretty good, until..... The next morning. I couldn't hardly sit on my bottom and I was hurting so bad I was trembling and shaking. Meanwhile, LuLu was running around all over the place like nothing had ever happened! Like she had never been fixed! My MaMaFigure and That Man were amazed! She hadn't been like this since she came to live with us! But I was miserable. The Grandgirl and The Grandboy spent the night with us Saturday night. I didn't even feel like playing with them. I just crawled into my house and lay there, trembling. I woke My MaMaFigure up at 2:30 Sunday morning. I was hurting so bad. I was shaking. She held me and rocked me in her rocking chair and asked That Man if he thought some Benedryl would help me settle down. He said he didn't think it would hurt me, so My MaMaFigure gave me some Benedryl and she prayed that I would get better and stop hurting because she cannot stand for anything to suffer. They were real worried about me and she rocked me for a long time and finally I stopped trembling so much and we went back to bed. I slept for a little while and when I woke up the next morning I didn't hurt at first, but pretty soon I started hurting again and That Man told My MaMaFigure to call the Doctor Who Fixed Us and get me some medicine to make me stop hurting. In the meantime, LuLu was running around like a New Woman. She finally wanted to play Blobs and New Squirrel and Pink Flamingo and Tug of War and games I had never even heard of! I just laid there on my pillow, trembling. My MaMaFigure even had to squirt water in my mouth because I wouldn't drink anything! The Doctor Who Fixed Us called and told My MamaFigure to come and get some medicine for me. She did and I took it and pretty soon I sat up without my bottom hurting and I crawled out of my house and drank some water on my own! I got petted a whole lot by That Man and My MaMaFigure and LuLu was happy too! My MamaFigure took a picture of LuLu in her new pink harness and without duct tape diapers! She looks real pretty! And she won't ever have to deal with the "inheat" thing again. I think that makes her real happy! When My MaMaFigure was researching getting "fixed" everybody told her it would be easy for me to get over and hard for LuLu to get over. That is so not true!!! You can see from the picture below that I could not sit on my bottom. My MaMaFigure even brought my favorite cushion in from the porch for me to sit on, but I couldn't sit because my bottom hurt. And I couldn't lay down because I couldn't stand to put my back legs together. And I couldn't walk because where "they" used to be hurt so bad when I moved my legs. I was in a mess!! So, if anybody ever tells you that a boy dog will be fine after he's fixed, you tell them that Mister Bean says "You're nuts!"

Here is a picture of The Grandgirl and The Grandboy in a tree at their house. They love me and LuLu and help That Man and My MaMaFigure take care of us when they are at our house.

Thank you for reading my blog. This one was not fun and exciting.

Mister Bean

P.S. Happy Birthday to That Man!! I woof you!!

Meet my Peeps!

2009-05-05T16:16:00.000-07:00

Meet my new peeps!! At first, I thought My MaMaFigure had bought me and LuLu a box of awesome chew toys, but she said they were Rhode Island Reds and someday they would make scrambled eggs for us. They moved in Friday night and stayed in our little bathroom for two nights. That Man put them in a plastic tote and hung a light over it so they would stay warm. Their names are, from left to right, Alan, Wayne, Merrill, Jay, Donny, Marie, Jimmy and Tito. Tito is the best scratcher. When he scratches it is like he is doing the cha-cha and the other peeps just move out of the way! Peep food is flying everywhere ! Me and Sister LuLu really like watching them. The bathroom is really little and we had to squeeze in between The Grandboy and The Grandgirl. Finally, The Grandboy had to stand in the bathtub because I was squishing him. I was barking the whole time we were in there, and I was proud because it sounded so loud, like I was a professional barking dog! I like barking in the bathroom! Sister LuLu just stared at the Peeps, like she was in a trance or something! By Sunday afternoon the Peeps had grown and were wanting to fly out of the tote. They poop all over the tote and most of the time they just stand under the light. They don't seem to be interested in playing with us or our New Blobs or Pink Flamingo. They just stand under the light until Tito starts scratching. That Peep has some moves! Here is a picture of The Grandboy and The Grandgirl with Merrill and Jay, the twin Peeps.

And now for the Sister LuLu Report. She is still wearing her duct tape diapers all over the place. My MaMaFigure says poor LuLu hasn't had a chance since she got here because she has been dealing with the "inheat" thing. But, she is happy and has even been playing Blobs and New Squirrel with me. Sometimes she gets mad at me when I try to bite her and paw at her and jump on her and bark at her and chase her. She growls at me like I am annoying, but I don't let any negative vibes spoil my day! I just keep on biting and pawing and jumping and barking and chasing!

Thanks to everyone who voted for me in the blog contest. I didn't win, but that's okay! My MaMaFigure said we could have used the prize money to pay for my vasectomy, whatever that is.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerly, Mister Bean

New Treats, LuLu's Diaper and Robbers!!

2009-04-28T16:57:00.000-07:00

There is a lot going on here at Casa de Beano. (Sister LuLu wants to call our home Chez LuLu. More about that later.) Anyway, fun and exciting things are happening here! We have been getting a new treat! We still get chewy treats (my favorite) for our daytime pees and poops, but when we come in from our darktime pee and poop My MaMaFigure says to us "Do ya'll want a cookie?" and I am all over it like ugly on an ape. Sister LuLu just looks up and smiles with her underbite teeth showing. Here are pictures of us about to get our darktime pee and poop treat.

I go totally nuts.

Sister LuLu is still 'inheat' and she wears a diaper all day, except for when we go out to pee. It has to be taped on with duct tape after 3 or 4 pee-pees. It doesn't look very good on her after that. My MaMaFigure says she will have to stop and get more diapers on her way home from her work. I hope she gets me some sunglasses. Sister LuLu stinks a little bit, well, actually she stinks a lot. My MaMaFigure and That Man say they will be glad when the 'inheat' goes away. So will I. She still won't play New Blobs or Pink Flamingo or New Squirrel with me.

I wrote a poem about her. Here it is.

LuLu's Diaper

by Mister Bean

Dear Little LuLu, stinky sister of mine,

when your diaper stops sticking duct tape works fine.

The End

There have been a lot of shady-looking dogs hanging around our house for the past few days. The Grandgirl and The Grandboy came to visit us after school yesterday and when the Grandgirl was walking Sister LuLu a beagle was standing in the driveway. We don't know him. And later, he was back with a Chihuahua. We don't know him either. And a curly-haired dog was standing under the bedroom window last night when we went to bed. We've never seen him before! I think I know why all these dogs are hanging around our house.

They want to rob us.

They found out about our new treats and our New Blobs. I hope That Man has some kind of plan to protect us because when the you-know-what hits the fan, I'm hiding under the bed.

Here is a picture of Sister LuLu. She'll never get a boyfriend if she doesn't stop wearing duct-tape diapers and start fixing herself up a little bit. She barks real funny too. My MaMaFigure says if Sister LuLu could talk she would say "Hey doll, here's a five, will you run to the Golden Gallon and get a pack of unfiltered Camels for me?"

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

Vote for me, Mister Bean!!!!

2009-04-20T19:08:00.000-07:00

Something fun and exciting has happened at Casa de Beano! My blog has been nominated as Best Peg Blog at blognetawards.net Vote for me, Mister Bean!!! I can't give you a stimulus package if I win, because My MaMaFigure and That Man are saving up to have me "fixed". I don't know what "fixed" means. I would rather have sunglasses to wear with my new T-shirt. I'm wearing it in the picture. It says stuff like Supa Star, Woof Woof, and Dogz Rule. I promise if I win I will be the Best Pet Blogger forever. I will tell you about how me and my sister like to watch the toilet flush together and about the haunted doghouse behind the lawnmower shed. My MaMaFigure says if you want to vote for me go to blognetawards.com and you will see the name of my blog in a list on the right. It is almost at the bottom. Oh, she almost forgot...you have to register first. Then you can find my name on the list. Then click on my blog name and you should see a real nice description of my blog. Thank you for saying nice things about it!!! At the bottom of the description you will see 10 stars. If you like my blog a lot, then click on the last star on the right! Awesome!! You can leave a comment too! By the way, your last day to vote is April 30th. Thank you for voting me me, Mister Bean!!!

Shazam! I have a sister!!

2009-04-19T08:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning My MaMaFigure said 'We're going on a special bye-bye Mister Bean!" I was ready for another fun and exciting weekend with My MaMaFigure and That Man. My MaMaFigure said we were going to get me a sister. What is a sister? We had to drive a long ways to a place called Chickamauga Battlefield. I pooped when I got there and MyMaMaFigure felt real bad about it too, and so did That Man. I couldnt' help it. Well, in a few minutes a pug almost like me got out of a car and My MaMaFigure said, "There's your sister, Mister Bean!" She is real small. Smaller than me, even. We sniffed each other and after a little while she got in the truck with us. My MaMaFigure sat in the back seat with us and my sister growled at me and I climbed My MaMaFigure like she was a tree and sat on the back of the seat. I was scared.

Here is a picture of me with my sister. She has a green stuffed bear. And she snores. She eats a lot too. And she has lots of teeth. I don't know if she likes me or not. My MaMaFigure and That Man say she will have to get used to us, plus she has some girl-pug thing going on called "inheat". Whatever. All I want to do is play with her! I am not smiling in this picture because I am a little bewildered and I have lost all my baby teeth and My MaMaFigure says I have an old man mouth. But she says I am still her 'Pug o' My Heart.

Here we are with The Grandboy and The Grandgirl. The Grandgirl calls her LuLu. I like it when we are on the porch swing. LuLu takes a nap and doesn't growl at me. My MaMaFigure says LuLu might be a little gripey because of the "inheat" thing, whatever that is. I wish she would just get over it so we could play with our New Blobs, her green bear, my Hamburger that I found hiding in the crate, and New Squirrel.

She is real sweet to My MaMaFigure and That Man. She smiles at them when she goes outside for a pee and a poop, except she won't pee and poop. I try to say, "Hey, LuLu! Look at me. This is how they want you to do it", but she doesn't pay attention to me. I showed her how to get in the shower and sit, but I don't think she likes it very much. I like to sit in the shower sometimes, but My MaMaFigure makes me get out. Then I showed her how to grab the dryer sheets and run when My MaMaFigure gets stuff out of the dryer, but she ignored me. After that, I showed her how I jump into the bathtub, but she acted like she didn't think that was fun either.

Well, that is all for now. I hope things settle down around here. That Man says the "inheat" thing will last for a couple more weeks. Until then, I will have to watch what I do because I get growled at.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

P.S. I really do like my sister. She hasn't been all mean to me, we have played a little bit. I guess I am just used to being the Only Pug. I told her to write. She doesn't think she can but she will try. So, please, please, please, humor her and read her blog. I am begging you.

Hi from Lollipop Marie Pugsly

2009-04-19T08:19:00.000-07:00

Mister Bean said I should write something about myself. He said to sit under My NewMaMaFigure's chair and all my thoughts would float up to her. I said, "No way!" and he said "Way!" So, I am sitting under My NewMaMaFigure's chair thinking thoughts.

I want to tell my First MaMaFigure and First That Man that I am okay and happy. I even got to ride on the porch swing yesterday. I have a lot to learn about peeing and pooping outside while I'm on the leash though. I just smile and wag my tail because I don't know why I'm out there.

My official name is Lollipop Marie Pugsly. I am registered, but I am not snobby about it. The little Grandgirl calls me LuLu. I have a double curl in my tail that I am real proud of.

I also have a cute underbite.

Well, I can't think of any more thoughts.

Love,

LuLu (a.k.a. Lollie, a.k.a. Lollipop Marie Pugsly)

A.P.B. on The Blob

2009-04-17T18:27:00.000-07:00

I love playing with my toys. I really like the mouse that my Aunt JuJu gave me. It ran around and around on the kitchen floor and I chased it. See it's face? I chewed it up. My MaMaFigure said it was dangerous for me to play with it now, so she put it on top of the TV cabinet. See my Nylabone? I chewed little pieces off it and That Man was afraid I would get choked, so he put it on top of the TV cabinet with my mouse. I miss them. See Squeaky's leg and foot by my blue elephant? One night I chewed it off and I ran around and around That Man's chair with it hanging out of my mouth. That Man was yelling 'he's going to get choked!' and My MaMaFigure was yelling 'catch him, catch him!' They chased me around the chair, but I was fast! Finally, I stopped to plan my next move and My MaMaFigure caught me and stuck her finger in my mouth because That Man said I had swallowed Squeaky's foot. I fooled them! I dropped it on the other side of the chair! It was a fun and exciting night! That Man put Squeaky and his leg and foot on the TV cabinet with my mouse and my Nylabone and I miss him.

Here's a picture of me when I was real little. My MaMaFigure bought me A Blob. He always smiled at me no matter how hard I chewed him. He went missing two weeks ago. We can't find him anywhere and I don't know why he ran away. I wish he would come back.

My MaMaFigure got two beds for me with her CVS Bonus Bucks. They were real nice. I had one in the living room and one in the sewing room. I took naps on them and then one day I thought they looked very chewable. And they were. See the blue stuffing coming out of the sewing room bed? My MaMaFigure looked up from her sewing and she said I looked like a Smurf with a blue beard. She got up and came towards me and I ran out of the room with the blue stuffing hanging out of my mouth and down my chin. She caught me and took my stuffing away from me. She put my bed on the back porch. It was too big to put on the TV cabinet with my mouse, my Nylabone and Squeaky and Squeaky's leg and foot. The next day I chewed my living room bed and got blue stuffing all over the living room. Now it's on the back porch with my sewing room bed. I don't have a bed now. Or The Blob. I wish he would come back. I wonder why he ran away?

See my Blue Elephant? My Aunt JuJu got it for me on my very first day home. I love my Aunt JuJu. She and Uncle Fred are going to have a baby. I wonder if I will get to play with it? My Blue Elephant is on top of the TV cabinet with my mouse, my Nylabone and Squeaky and Squeaky's leg and foot because I chewed the stuffing out of it. And there are lots of threads sticking out of it. And I unraveled one of it's eyes. My MaMaFigure tried to sew it back on, but it is a little lop-sided.

Two weeks ago my MamaFigure got me a Pink Flamingo with her CVS Bonus Bucks. The next day I chewed the rope off and she had to sew it back on. Then I chewed off the black wing tip. My MaMaFigure sewed it back on, but I chewed it off again. That is the day that The Blob went missing. That Man forgets it is a Pink Flamingo and he calls it a Penguin. My MaMaFigure said he has always gotten them confused. You can really see Squeaky good in this picture. See the stuffing coming out of him? I miss him. The good thing about Squeaky was I could get a real good mouthful of him and squeak the squeaker. Those were good times.

My MaMaFigure stopped at Wal-Mart today and got me a New Blob. Here is a picture of me getting my chew on with New Blob. I like him and I think he likes me because he smiles at me just like Old Blob did.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Sincerely,

Mister Bean

Me and the Easter Bunny

2009-04-06T16:20:00.001-07:00

I always look forward to fun and exciting weekends with My MamaFigure and That Man. So I was happy when I woke up and My MamaFigure said, "Mister Bean, we are going bye-bye today! You're going to Walmart to see the Easter Bunny!" I know what "bye-bye" is, because we go bye-bye all the time and Walmart is where My MamaFigure and That Man get chewy treats (my favorite) for me, but what is an Easter Bunny? I twirled around in circles and ran to the back door. I like to ride in That Man's big truck. I pretend I am a hunting dog. When we got to Walmart I barked at people in the parking lot. I barked at a woman in flip-flops. I barked at two little boys who barked back at me! I barked at a man smoking a cigarette. They smiled because they all thought I was cute. When we got inside I barked at people standing in a line. I could see their mouths saying "Oh, what a cute pug", and I know they wanted to pet me and make a fuss over over me, but My MamaFigure was carrying me and walking really, really fast. I thought I would get to see place where all the chewy treats (my favorite) are kept, but My MamaFigure was almost running by this time. I barked at a man looking at fish, I barked at a little girl holding a book, I barked at a woman picking up light bulbs. But, we were moving so fast I couldn't even see their mouths saying "oh, he's cute". Then I saw That Man and I barked at him and he told My MamaFigure the Easter Bunny was there. I had forgotten about the Easter Bunny. What is an Easter Bunny anyway? Then I saw him. And I stopped barking. My MamaFigure handed me to this ginormous white bunny with big pink ears and he wasn't wearing anything but a big bow tie. Two ladies, one with a camera, took a picture of me sitting in this big bunny's lap. They were saying I was cute, but I couldn't act cute because I was scared. I didn't bark or move because I was afraid the Easter Bunny would bite me with his big teeth.

Look at my droopy ears. And look at the Easter Bunny's mean eyes. He was holding me in a death grip and he didn't talk or make any noise at all, which scared me even more.

And then That Man took a picture of me. By this time, I am willing to take my chances and I am looking for an escape route.

I was going to run into the tulip patch behind me, but My MamaFigure rescued me right before the Easter Bunny decided to eat me. I didn't bark until we got home. I was afraid he would hear me and come and get me.

The happy ending is that I got two extra chewy treats (my favorite) when we got home. Later, I heard my MamaFigure tell my Mamaw that the only way I got to go in Walmart was because she told them I am a therapy dog. She says I make her laugh and that is good therapy.

I hope I never have to see the Easter Bunny again or I will need therapy.

The Worst Day of My Life

2009-03-29T08:11:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was the worst day of my life. It has been raining, raining, raining. I wish it would stop. I don't like to go outside when it's raining, my feet feel funny when they are wet. Yesterday morning started out fine. I woke up happy, licked myself, then I got petted and me and My MamaFigure went to the back door so I could go outside for my morning pee and poop. I was stubborn when I saw the rain pouring down on the backyard. No way was I going out in that. Finally, My MamaFigure picked me up and carried me to the lawnmower shed. There is not a lot of room in the lawnmower shed. I walked around the big lawnmower, the two garden carts, the rakes (I knocked one over and it scared me), and other stuff That Man keeps in there. I finally made my morning pee, but I couldn't concentrate on making a poop. That kind of thing has to be walked out and there was no room to walk. My MamaFigure finally gave up and we went inside. She was in the kitchen and That Man was still in bed and I went to the living room to check out The Blob, Squeaky and my New Squirrel. I tried really hard to hold it in, but I just couldn't!! Afterwards, I went to the kitchen and I couldn't even look My MamaFigure in the eyes. The shame of it all! The rain was falling on the roof, it was really loud. I didn't hear That Man walking into the living room. Yes, I pooped in the living room and That Man stepped in it. The rest of the day is a blur. I didn't feel any love coming from That Man all day and when he was forced to say something to me or about me it wasn't in his "little buddy" voice. I am really sorry I pooped in the living room. It has been a long time since I did that,but it was raining and there is not a lot of room in the lawnmower shed to take care of business part two and besides, My MamaFigure cleaned it up really good, and I know it messed up your new house slipper, but the rain washed it away when My MamaFigure put it outside and I'm really sorry. My MamaFigure made the picture of me (above) and she told me to look really contrite. I think that meant for me to look pitiful and sorry and I hope I do because I want That Man to talk to me in his "little buddy" voice again and tomorrow My MamaFigure will have to go back to work and it will be just me and That Man in the house together and I don't want him to be mad at me because he stepped in my poop and messed up his house slipper.

Please forgive me That Man. I feel like what you stepped in.

My First Spring and a Special Poem

2009-03-26T18:11:00.000-07:00

This is my first spring and boy! am I ever having a good time. Me and My MamaFigure and That Man spend a lot of time on the porch. Here is a picture of me looking cute on the porch swing. My MamaFigure makes us swing really high and sometimes I don't like it so I wiggle a lot and she puts the brakes on really fast. I can stand on the porch in safety and bark at squirrels and birds and dogs in the yard and cars going by and the wind blowing and the rain falling and the grass growing and the sun shining and the clouds moving and the temperature changing....

The cherry tree has pretty flowers under it and there is a tiny limb growing out of the trunk. I am having a very nice First Spring and it has inspired me to write a poem. It is my very first poem.

My First Poem About My First Spring-

by Mister Bean

I like to pee in fields of flowers.

I could pee for hours.

Just not during showers.

I like to poop in thickets of pine

Where the sun never shines

On the balsamine.

A Fun and Busy Week: Hog Heaven & Camping!

2009-03-22T14:26:00.001-07:00

I have had a fun and busy week! My MaMaFigure and That Man take me lots of interesting places. My MamaFigure's brothers go to a place called Hog Heaven. They have lots of fun, so we decided to go there before we went on our camping trip. I didn't see a band or a dance floor, I didn't see one motorcycle or a biker chick, but it does have a sign. And it smells yummy!!!!!

This was the greeter at Hog Heaven. He met us at the gate; we don't speak donkey, but I think he was saying......

....."Stay outside the fence, and inside your MamaFigure's arms because these things will eat you alive if they catch you."

This was my last view of Hog Heaven. It was really cold that morning, and I was a little bit scared, but the smells were so delicious I could have stayed there a long time.....as long as My MamaFigure held me.

SCROLL DOWN FOR MY FUN AND EXCITING ADVENTURES IN CAMPING!!!

A Pug in the Wild: My Adventures in Camping Part One

2009-03-22T13:45:00.000-07:00

Me, My MamaFigure, That Man, The Grandboy and The Grandgirl just got back from our three day camping trip. Now I know what camping is all about. It is one big, long walk. That Man told My MamaFigure that pugs are famous for short bursts of energy followed by long naps. I haven't had a nap since Tuesday. Here is a picture of me, smiling really, really big, with The Grandboy and The Grandgirl. This picture was taken early on Day One, so I really didn't know what was in store for me.

Me, The Grandboy and The Grandgirl scored big at the park's gift shop. I got a new stuffed squirrel. By this time, I am ready for a nap, but no nap was in sight. I couldn't even bother to tear my new squirrel out of the package.

Here is a picture of me faking a sniff at a a stump. I had to take a break, so I pretended to smell something. Once I was really getting into some fresh deer poop, but just when it was really getting interesting My MamaFigure pulled me away.

Here I am, at the end of Day One, wondering if the next two days will be be like today.

A Pug in the Wild: My Adventures in Camping Part Two

2009-03-22T13:31:00.000-07:00

When I wasn't doing all that walking, I was entertaining guests at my campsite. These two girls dropped by to see me Thursday. This one was so happy to see me that she jumped in the air!

We don't understand why our humans like to do all that walking.

A Pug in the Wild: My Adventures in Camping Part Three

2009-03-22T13:24:00.000-07:00

We men bonded on this trip. Here's a picture of me, The Grandboy and That Man walking together discussing manly camping stuff.

But, by the end of the trip, I was the only one who truly became one with Nature.

It's Deja Vue All Over Again!

2009-03-10T15:35:00.000-07:00

I was 4 months old yesterday and today My MamaFigure and That Man took me back to my doctor to get more shots and to take a pill and to make sure my poop is still healthy. Here is a picture of me sitting on the big metal tray, looking cute, but a little worried. I've been here before and I know what's going to happen.

First, I get my poop checked. This could make a little pug feel violated, but Marie is very nice and she talks to me and pets me and gives me medicine disguised as chewy treats. Today she cut my toenails and I squeaked a little bit, like my MamaFigure and That Man do when I hop on them and scrape them with my razor sharp toes.

And then Dr. Wilke gave me 2 shots. They didn't hurt at all! He is nice too and he likes me and I like him and we are pals!! I was sniffing the broken up chunks of crunchy treats on the tray. I didn't eat them because I like chewy treats. They're my favorite! Well, unless the crunchy treats are graham crackers or vanilla wafers or Cheerios.

Today was a good day. I weigh 9 pounds and 4 ounces, I have healthy poop, I got a blue tag to wear on my collar (it looks good on me, and I feel like I'm in a club), my toenails won't make My MamaFigure and That Man squeak anymore and Dr. Wilke says I am a good-looking pug! My MamaFigure has always told me I'm cute, and That Man thinks so, but he won't tell me.

I am a Confused Pug

2009-03-08T16:27:00.000-07:00

My MamaFigure and That Man, along with The Grandboy and The Grandgirl, are all jazzed about next week being Spring Break. They are going camping and I am going too. My MamaFigure and That Man opened up their camper today and I got to go inside.

Here is a picture of me looking cute and a little confused because when I got inside the camper I began having flashbacks about The Hole.

I heard My MamaFigure tell That Man we would need to take my food, water, chewy treats (my favorite), toys, brush, toothbrush, toothpaste, new gangsta jacket, new sweater and.....THE HOLE!!! How can this be fun? The camper looks like a Big Hole, and all five of us will be squashed in there together, just like me and The Blob when we are in The Hole together while My MamaFigure and That Man go get chewy treats (my favorite) for me.

Will someone please tell me how camping works? How can staying in The Hole while inside another, even bigger, Hole be fun?

Girl Scout Cookies rock my world!!

2009-02-28T08:01:00.000-08:00

I am having a busy weekend! Yesterday me and My MamaFigure started a project together. The Grandgirl is a Brownie and she is selling cookies, so My MamaFigure ordered her favorite --Do-Si-Dos!!! The Grandgirl cannot eat anything with peanut butter in it, so My MamaFigure told me that it was up to the two of us to eat them all before the Grandgirl came to visit us. We started our project Friday afternoon when she got home from her work and worked late into the night while watching a movie.

Saturday morning we ate the last two for breakfast. Whew! Just in time too! The Grandgirl will be here in a few minutes to get her Brownie vest so she can deliver more cookies to other people. I am so happy I got to help My MamaFigure with this project!

That Man likes Samoas. He is on his own because I cannot eat chocolate.

I am really happy that The Grandgirl is a Brownie!!

A Tale of a Tail

2009-02-25T17:04:00.000-08:00

"Oh, he has the cutest face!" I hear this all the time and as much as I like it, my other end feels left out. My MamaFigure says it makes her think about donuts.

I Took a Dump at PetSmart Yesterday

2009-02-22T07:42:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a fun, exciting day. I had to stay in The Hole for a little while, but when That Man and My MamaFigure got home they took me to PetSmart! I got lots of attention while I was there. Everybody said how cute I am and wanted to pet me. I felt like a rock star. There was a lot of different smells in the store. Dogs were everywhere and I barked at them while hiding behind That Man's legs. What with all the excitement of feeling like a rock star and the different smells in the store, my bowels began to churn and pretty soon I had to hunker down and poop. That Man called to My MamaFigure and said in a loud whisper, "He's sh****g!!" Well, what was I supposed to do? My bowels were in an uproar. My MamaFigure thought it was funny and laughed.

After my poop was cleaned up, I tried on lots of jackets. I am going camping in a few weeks and That Man and My MamaFigure want me to be warm and look stylish. Here is a picture of me in my new jacket. My MamaFigure says I look cute. That Man thinks I'm cute, but he won't tell me. I think I look gangsta. I like it.

A Bed and a Burger. Ahhhhh!

2009-02-21T08:30:00.000-08:00

Here's another cute picture of me. This time I'm taking it easy in my new bed. The rust and brown colors are masculine and rugged, like me. See my hamburger? I like to chew on it while I'm in my new bed. My MamaFigure asked That Man if he thought I like to chew on the hamburger in my new bed because I see the similarities in the shapes. That Man said why don't you ask Mister Bean, he'd be able to tell you more than I can.

My Favorite Room

2009-02-18T17:01:00.000-08:00

Here's a picture of me looking cute in my MamaFigure's sewing room. She spends a lot of time in here telling me to get out of stuff. I think she really likes to, and I want to make her happy, so I find lots of things to do. See the bookcase behind me? My MamaFigure has lots of quilting books and cookbooks in it.

This is my favorite one.

She drops little scraps of cloth in this box.

And I knock it over and grab a piece and run!!!!

Last night I did a really fun thing. My MamaFigure doesn't wear shoes while she sews on her sewing machine. I saw her foot on the foot-thing and it was going up and down making the machine work. I watched her foot for a long time before I jumped on it and bit her toe a little bit. She made a funny sound and it made me bark. And then I ran out of the room.

Yeah, I love to spend time with my MamaFigure in her sewing room.

My MamaFigure loves me.

2009-02-16T15:45:00.000-08:00

How does my MamaFigure love me? Let me count the ways.

She gives me chewy treats just because she thinks I'm cute.

She lets me cuddle with her all I want.

She never gets mad at me or fusses at me when I have accidents.She just cleans it up and asks me if I have to go outside. After all, I'm just a puppy.

She brushes my teeth with chicken-flavored toothpaste.

She lets me sit on her purple robe lap in the evenings while we watch TV.

She keeps my blanket clean so I won't be stinky in The Hole.

She talks to me.

She and That Man take me to the vet so i won't get sick.

She feeds me Science Diet because she wants me to be healthy.

She brushes my fur and doesn't yell at me when I squirm.

She pets me in the morning until I wake up. She doesn't want me to be scared.

Sometimes she calls me Bean-o. I like it when she calls me Bean-o.

She shares her morning Cheerios with me.

She calls That Man from her work everyday to check on me.

She takes a blanket outside when she sits on the porch so I won't get cold while I'm sitting beside her on the swing.

She pets me all the time.

She is always happy to see me when she gets home.

She hugs me.

She checks my collar to make sure it isn't too tight.

She would like it if I learned tricks, but I really don't have to. She loves me anyway.

She takes me for walks in the yard. If big dogs are around she makes them leave.

She sits in the floor and tosses my toys so I can play chase.

She washes my face because my wrinkles get stuff in them.

She doesn' t mind that I grunt and snort all the time.

My MamaFigure loves me. She tells me all the time.

In The Hole

2009-02-15T10:04:00.000-08:00

My MamaFigure and That Man are going to another birthday party at Mamaw's and AntJuJu's. My MamaFigure said I can't go because I will wear my welcome out if I poop on the carpet again like I did at the last party. So I get to spend the afternoon in The Hole.

Nobody knows the troubles I've seen, nobody knows the sorrow.

Sweeeeeeeet!!!

2009-02-14T06:17:00.000-08:00

I am wearing a new collar! That Man says I can only wear this collar today. What is a sissy anyway? My MamaFigure says I can spread lots of pug love today because it is Valentine's Day. I got a big bag of chewy treats too (my favorite).

At the Woodpile

2009-02-12T16:16:00.000-08:00

Here I am at the woodpile. See my cute curly tail? I like sniffing the leaves and biting the sticks. Sometimes I growl like a big dog. The woodpile is my favorite place to take care of business, then I get a chewy treat (my favorite) and me and my MamaFigure run really, really fast back to my house and she gives me another chewy treat for being so cute. She thinks I'm cute even when I'm at the woodpile; That Man thinks I'm cute too, but he won't tell me.

Separation Anxiety

2009-02-11T19:39:00.000-08:00

I miss my MamaFigure when she takes a shower. So I peer under the bathroom door until she lets me in. Then I sniff the wet bath rug and I'm happy again.

Cousin Chester

2009-02-11T14:46:00.001-08:00

This is my Cousin Chester. He lives with Ourson and Ourdawternlaw. He is very tiny. He peed on me. And that's all I've got to say about that.

My First Doctor's Visit

2009-02-10T15:41:00.001-08:00

Here I am standing on the big tray waiting on the doctor. My MamaFigure said I looked cute. That Man thought I was cute too, but he didn't tell me. I barked at a big dog while sitting in That Man's lap. The big dog looked like it got lots of chewy treats to eat. Everybody made a big fuss over me. I liked it. I weighed 6 pounds and 7 ounces and I have really healthy poop. The doctor gave me a shot and his nice assistant gave me some stuff to keep my poop healthy.

Here's a big bark-out to Dr. Wilke and all the folks at Red Bank Animal Hospital!! You're all awesome and you're all my new friends!!!!

Mysterious Talk

2009-02-10T04:25:00.000-08:00

There is talk this morning about a "vet visit" and "possible shots". I am not sure what's going on, but I hope I get a chewy treat. Chewy treats are my favorite.

Living the Good Life

2009-02-10T03:34:00.000-08:00

Ah! I love it when my MamaFigure wears her purple robe and I sit in her lap and watch Dogs 101 on Animal Planet! Notice my ear? It's a little wonky.

My Cousin Shorty

2009-02-09T18:02:00.000-08:00

This is my cousin Shorty. He lives next door. We haven't sniffed butts yet, 'cause I've only been here 3 weeks. Should I sniff first, or wait on him to sniff mine? He's older and has been here a long time and I wouldn't want to offend him, plus he is ginormous and I'm just a little guy.

Party Time!

2009-02-08T13:30:00.000-08:00

I went to my Aunt JuJu's birthday party Friday night! Yaaaaaay! My first party and she had lots of toys for me to play with. I found out later that they were my Cousin Margaret's cat toys. That basket was really easy to knock over. Toys everywhere!!! Good times!!! I peed 4 times outside and only pooped once on the carpet.

I love my Aunt JuJu very much! She is holding me like a baby and practicing for when she has a baby in July. Hey!!! Maybe she and Uncle Fred will name the baby after me!!!

Private Matters

2009-02-08T13:13:00.000-08:00

I found my privates, but my MamaFigure won't post a picture.

Bad to the Bone

2009-02-08T13:07:00.000-08:00

After I'd been here about a week, the Grandgirl and the Grandboy made up a song about me.

It is sung to the tune of "Bad to the Bone" by George Thorogood and the Destroyers.

He chews Granny's houseshoes,

da Da da Da dah!

And electrical cords,

da Da da Da dah!

There's paper towels,

da Da da Da dah!

All over the floor!

da Da da Da dah!

He's bad to the bone!

da Da da Da dah!

He's bad to the bone!

da Da da Da dah!!

Yeah, I'm bad!! But I'm cute, My MamaFigure says so! And That Man thinks so, but he won't tell me.

My Profile

2009-02-07T11:09:00.000-08:00

My MamaFigure and That Man think I have an interesting profile.

What the.....??????

2009-02-07T11:06:00.000-08:00

My first toy is a......what the shoost is it???? Why is it smiling? I'll chew on it. It squeaked!!!

Just in Time

2009-02-07T11:00:00.001-08:00

It's a good thing I got here! This house slipper was totally out of control! I straightened it out first thing!!!!

Coming Home

2009-02-07T10:48:00.000-08:00

Here I am coming home to live with My MamaFigure & That Man. I was 9 weeks old when they adopted me. The Grandgirl and The Grandboy held me in the back seat all the way home.